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CALLUM
The last person I expected to see this morning was Nicole, but there she was the moment I stepped into my class. When our eyes met, I realized it was the first time she had given me more than a second glance since the night of that party. She wasn’t only looking at me, but actually holding my gaze as well. I drank her in, and ignored the ache in my chest she’d previously caused. Her hollow eyes stayed connected with mine until I blinked, then the moment was lost.
Nicole might want to say that there was nothing left between us, but it was a lie. I saw some sort of emotion, and it was enough for me. She might lie to me, but she’d never be able to lie to herself, and we both knew it. Over the holidays, I’d talked to Daxon, but I’d also reflected on my life as I’d sat in my penthouse alone. Sure, my thoughts focused a lot on her, and what I could do to make things right between us, but they also were rightly placed on me. It was hard to look at oneself in the mirror and recognize your own faults, but I had. For so long, I’d blamed my parents, and their dysfunctional relationship, using it to justify why I was the way that I was.
As long as I believed my inability to commit was all because of them, the longer I’d be alone. I looked into the mirror and recognized my own mortality. Being born and raised as a Titan, I’d always considered myself invincible. Anything I’d ever wanted, I only needed to take.
Until her. It always came back to her. The cruel irony was that I’d wanted so badly to hold onto Nicole that I would’ve promised her the world in order to keep her, and I still would. She’d consumed nearly every waking thought of mine since the day she’d walked into my classroom, and nothing had changed since then.
Well, something did now. I’d been lying across the bed when I’d heard the news. Mase had sent me a text message to let me know that Jonas’s sister in law had passed away, and there’d been only one thought on my mind when I’d dropped the phone. Nicole. Normally, my thoughts would focus on things that we’d done together, especially in bed, but also out of the bed. Now, they were all over the place because I knew she needed me. I also knew she’d never admit it. She’d rather suffer in silence than allow me to comfort her. I’d reached out to her anyway, and of course, she’d left me on read. She could ignore a text message, but she wouldn’t fare as well when face to face.
I began class, and since many had gone home to places across the country for the holiday, I decided to give them a few extra days to work on those essays. Finals were approaching, and once they were over and done with, there would be winter break. I’d once had plans for it, but they’d been pushed aside a few weeks ago, and left there to languish. There was no need to focus on the ‘what could’ve been’ so I surprised everyone when I spoke again.
“Instead of sitting in here for the next hour, go on to the library. Those essays are due on Wednesday, and there’ll be no extensions given.” I then walked to the door and held it open for them.
Travis and Nicole were two of the last to leave, and when she made a move to go past me, I reached out and touched her arm softly. She yanked it back, most likely on instinct, and I tamped back a growl.
“I’d like to see you in my office for a few minutes, Miss Courtland.”
“I don’t—” she started to say, and I knew she was looking for an excuse.
“It won’t take but a few minutes. I promise.”
She looked torn, but then flashed an apologetic smile at Travis. “I’ll meet you at the library.”
“Are you sure?” I wanted to tell him to get lost, but Nicole had much more tact.
“Yes. I won’t be long.” He smiled back at her, but it quickly left his face when he turned to look at me. Ordinarily, I might’ve smirked at him, but she’d agreed to talk with me, and I wouldn’t let male posturing ruin what could be my final chance to get through to her.
Nicole wasn’t happy about my intervention, but she followed me back to my office. I’d hoped she would shut the door, but she didn’t. Instead, she stood practically in the doorway which made me arch my brow. Just weeks ago, we would’ve used an opportunity like this to our advantage. A vision of her bent over my desk as I fucked her crossed my mind, and those memories were always the hardest to vanquish.
“What’s this about?” she finally asked me.
“Did you receive my text message?”
“Yes, and I’d think my non-response would be a response of its own.”
“Why, Nicole? What did I do to make you hate me so much?”
I hated even asking, but I had to know. The constant doubts that had crept into my head and taken up residence wouldn’t let me rest until I knew. Whatever it was, I was arrogant to think I could fix it. I just needed her to give me a sign.
“I don’t hate you,” she finally said, her voice much lower than a few seconds ago.
“Then, why can’t we talk about this. We went from...” my voice trailed off as I realized we were standing in an open office. There was no telling who might come upon us, so I chose my words carefully. “We went from being friends to nothing at all, and I—”
“We were never friends, Callum. We couldn’t be.”
I did growl at that. She might’ve thought what we had was nothing, but I wouldn’t let her convince me of the same. “I miss you.”
A small sob escaped, and I watched a tear as it rolled down her cheek. I wanted so badly to reach out and swipe it away. “Don’t”
“Don’t what?” I moved closer and when she took a step back, I knew she would bolt, so I came to a stop. “I do miss you, Nicole. I suspect that you miss me, too.”
She shook her head, but the way her eyes stayed glued to the ground let me know she was lying as suspected. We stood there in near silence, the only sound I could hear was the rapid beating of my heart in my ears as it roared like a drum. My eyes stayed fixed on her for several seconds before she finally looked up at me.
“It doesn’t really matter. What’s done is done, and it can’t—”
“But it can,” I implored. “Let me into that head of yours, Nicole. What can I do to make things right between us?”
