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How do you prepare to have your heart ripped out of your chest?
I scrubbed my hands down my face. I could go and chase after her, but it was often better to let one calm down beforehand. It wasn’t that long ago when I would see my mother run off crying after an explosive argument with my father, then find him sitting there nursing a tumbler of scotch.
“Let her cool her heels, son,” he’d tell me, and I would hesitate but eventually do as he asked and either go back to my room, or sit down with him.
He was right because they’d make up before I even knew it. I could only hope by following my father’s oft-given advice that it would generate the same result for me as it did for him. Still, it was hard to just stand back when the only woman I’d ever loved walked out the door, especially with no guarantee that she’d ever walk back through it.
I picked up my phone and scrolled down to her name. I was worried about her, and even though she said it was over, I couldn’t just let her go without making sure she at least made it back home safely.
Please talk to me.
I’d meant to type something much different but as my fingers flew over the keys, they seemed to have a mind of their own. Before I knew it, I’d already hit send and now I could only wait to see if she would respond. When she didn’t, I got up and walked to the bathroom to shower. It would give her a little time, so I turned on the tap and was soon standing under the water letting it sluice off of me as I stood there with my head in my hands. I shouldn’t have been in here by myself. Nicole should’ve been here with me. We often took long showers together, but we didn’t get much washing done. She would oftentimes drop to her knees and suck me off like she had a few hours ago, or I would pin her to the wall and fuck her.
Earlier, I’d completely filled every hole of hers. I loved to fuck her mouth and tight pussy, but her ass had been somewhere I’ve never been before with her, and now I never would if she was being honest about ending things between us. I shook my head hopelessly. I couldn’t let her go. I wouldn’t.
My warning to her as she fled echoed in the enclosed space. I’d meant for it to be more of a plea. I wouldn’t just let her walk away from the first real thing I’ve ever known. We could fix our problems. They only seemed to lie with our teacher/student relationship, or so I thought. Was it possible that there was more to all of this?
I shook my head again, expelling water in the opposite direction this time. No, we’d had sex and it’d been great. She’d wanted me as much as I’d wanted her. Even when we finally did have sex, she was with me every step of the way.
What went wrong between the last orgasm and her abrupt departure?
I wouldn’t know until I talked to her. I got out of the shower and dried off, opting to leave just a towel on before I headed back to bed. I picked up my phone as I sat down and while I’d expected to see some response, there was none. I didn’t want to pressure her, but I knew how women and their minds worked. If I let this all go, she would take it as a sign that I didn’t care which was the complete opposite. If only I’d let her know how I felt before this. Any words I said now would have ulterior motives attached to them, at least in her eyes.
Please let me know you made it home.
I stared at my cell phone for a few seconds before placing it on the bedside table. I needed a drink, so I got up and walked over to the mini bar. It wasn’t nearly as stocked up as my liquor cellar at home, and it had none of my favorite drinks of choice. I grabbed the two small whiskey bottles, then headed back to the bed. When I got there, my screensaver lit up as I got a message.
I’m safe, now please leave me alone. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be by contacting me any more, Callum. It’s over!
I growled and practically tore the top of one of the bottles. I quickly downed the alcohol, and looked back down at her message. She wanted me to leave her alone and most people would respect her wishes, but I couldn’t. There was such a finality in her words, and it honestly scared me. I wasn’t used to these emotions, or any if I was being honest. Never had I wanted any type of commitment until the one time I changed my mind, then was denied it anyway.
Everything that had happened tonight began replaying in my head. The entire time I’d seen her downstairs, she’d looked so unhappy. I’m sure that Harper wanting to dance didn’t help, but it was completely innocent as I’d explained. She and Gabriel were soulmates, and while their relationship sometimes made me shake my head, the two were madly in love. I didn’t grow up with my friend, but she had, and the two were destined to be together from the very beginning. I couldn’t come between that, even if I wanted to, which I didn’t. The only one in my sights was Nicole, and now, she was slipping away.
I knew I’d see her again, but that would be in class where I couldn’t risk her enrollment, or my career, by saying or doing anything. Granted, I could request a one on one meeting with her, but would she actually show up? I was doubtful about that, and it would be highly inappropriate. In the beginning, I’d warned myself to let her go, but then I’d ventured to her place and all my good intentions disintegrated like dust in the Chicago wind.
Remembering that I was a Titan, I picked back up my cell phone. I found her number and was close to pressing it, but finally dropped it instead. “What the fuck am I doing?”
Nicole had made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want to talk to me. Sure, she made it seem like it was a permanent decision, but clearer heads would prevail in the morning. They had to, so I slammed back another small liquor shot, then returned to the bed where she most recently was. I stayed on my side of the bed, and it was almost as if she was still there until I reached over and encountered nothing but sheets that had gone cold now that her body was gone.
I picked up the pillow she had been lying on, and I brought it to my nose. Her scent assaulted me immediately, and I held it against my face as I breathed her in. I knew the type of shampoo she always used, as well as her favored perfume, both of which could still be detected on the material.
So many nights, we’d lay in bed together. Holding her in my arms wasn’t something I normally did with women in the past, but she’d always been different. I’d met her at my most vulnerable time, and having her later appear in my classroom was a sign of fate. Or, maybe it had been a cruel joke, and one whose punchline was finally revealed. My entire life, I had always gotten what I wanted, but the thing I desired the most, had been ripped from my arms. She hadn’t been a mirage after all, but rather an illusion in the wasteland which was my life. I had the money to buy anything I wanted, except her.
Reality hit hard, and it was the bitch that most claimed it to be. I finally settled enough to drift off, and when I’d awakened the next morning, the first thing I did was go for my cell phone. It wasn’t on the bedside table, but rather the floor, and after retrieving it, I sat down on the edge of the bed. I brought up my messages and call logs, neither of which contained anything from her. My head dropped into my hands, and I stayed like that for several long minutes. The events from the night before replayed in my head, and nothing made any sense.
If she had planned to call it quits, why had she stayed in the first place? Did she want our final goodbye to be a memorable one? If so, nothing could be more of that than giving me every part of herself, then walking away as if it all meant nothing. As if we’d meant nothing.
I was starting to sound like those women I’d fucked and left behind almost all my adult life. Hell, maybe even before. I’d never had a problem getting girls, nor had I ever tried to keep one, until now. Until Nicole. She was Eve, and I was Adam. Temptation and lust. Or maybe, I was relegated to play the role of Gatsby, while she became Daisy, and someone like Travis stepped into the role of Tom.
I raised my head at that and released a growl. No, I couldn’t let her run off with someone like him. Travis was also a student, and it was obvious since day one that the two of them got along well together. My relationship with Nicole was forbidden, while theirs was expected. It was normal, which we both knew was a highly overrated concept. I stood up and strode over to the closet where I had a change of clothes. It took a few minutes to get all of my things packed, mainly my tuxedo, and when done, I looked over at the bed.
Picking up the pillow, I brought it to my nose and inhaled her scent once more. I’d bottle it, if possible, but like the woman herself, this was temporary and it would disappear one day, too. Until that time, I removed the case from the pillow and threw it into my bag as well. Minutes later, I headed home alone.
NICOLE
Callum had reached out to me a few times since the holiday party, but I’d forced myself to ignore him. Our relationship wasn’t real, no matter how alive he made me feel, and it was better to end it now before either of us got hurt more. At first, I thought he would shrug it off, but the repeated messages said otherwise. As did the glances he’d give me in class.
Once or twice, I would look up to find him staring at me, his intense gaze questioning where everything went wrong. There was a pain in those blue orbs, and I knew it matched the same ache in my chest. It was the kind that kept my heart in knots, before tightening and squeezing to the point where it hurt to even breathe. Those moments were the hardest to get through because I knew a single call to him would end it all. I stayed strong though, fighting through the agony, and two weeks after we broke things off, my heart finally shattered into pieces which would allow me to start piecing them back together.
