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“How much what?”
"How much it would hurt her."
We sit in silence for a moment. "I don't think Shelby loves me. I think she just wants to hold on to what she had.”
“Family.”
“A free ride.”
“Ouch. Really?”
"Mom told me Shelby told you what a good mother she is. But the truth is, she hasn't really done much for a very long time. It's one of the reasons I called it quits. I couldn't carry her anymore when I didn't respect her. There's so much work to be done on the farm and she wasn't helping out at all. I was driving Jonny to school, picking him up. Making dinner.” I don’t know how much to share, but I need Willow to know I’m not interested in staying married, and why. “She was making him clean the house. I found that out."
"Oh my God," Willow whispers.
“Yeah. I’m not trying to badmouth her. I'm just telling you what happened so that maybe…so you’ll understand. This is private stuff, and I’m a private guy. Got that from my Dad. But I like you. I want to get to know you more. So you have to know the truth.” I meet her eyes. “There’s nothing in me that wants to stay married to her. I’m not just saying that to get you into bed. Though I do want to get you into bed. And other places.”
“Oh my.”
“Also new for me.”
“You mean?”
“We haven’t had sex in…let’s just say it’s been a long time. Neither of us were interested. I haven’t been interested in sex in weirdly, a very long time. Until I met you. Now I’m feeling things I can barely control. But it’s complicated, so I’m working on that.”
She offers a small laugh, whispering afterward, “Me too.”
We sit by the pond, sharing stories and dreams. The world, and my past, fades away, leaving only us and the serenity of the ranch. I hear more in depth about how Willow wants to leave advertising, why she wants to do something creative — her photography. “I just want to add something to the world. Maybe leave something behind when I’m gone. Photographs will do that.”
I share with her, "That's one of the things I love about my work. I provide people with good food, organic, healthy. I'd love you to come and see my farm before you go.”
“Can you see it at night? Are there lights?”
"You wanna see it at night? I have solar lanterns, so yeah.“
"I was thinking tonight. Now."
There’s a bed at my place with no one around. “I brought the Jeep tonight. We can walk back and take it over.”
“We’re pretty close to the street. How about we just walk over? Aren’t you on the next property?”
Every time Shelby and I came over here we drove. I'm the only one who ever walks over.
I stand up and offer my hand. “Come on. Let’s go.”
TWENTY-EIGHT
Willow
It is, and was, so hard to not kiss Ben. He’s easily the sexiest man I’ve ever met and I wish beyond anything that he was completely and totally single. Even when he told me about the lack of things Shelby does as a wife and mother, despite how she painted it, I can’t help but feel bad for her. Losing a man like him? I couldn’t dream of it. Not if he were mine. How hard is it to clean a house? To have Jonny do it all instead, when he’s that young? And did I understand it right that Shelby pretended she was the one who cleaned? Bizarre! And dare I think it…cruel?
The walk to his property next door is lovely, and we take it slow along the shoulder of the street, talking about farming. No cars pass as I ask questions and he answers them in depth about the processes he uses to ensure healthy, abundant crops. “To be honest, I knew nothing of farming, so this is very interesting to me.”
“Very?” he smiles as if catching me in a lie.
“It is!” I laugh, and gasp as we walk through the gated entrance that needs to be opened manually. He drags the gate back into position, inserting a steel thing-a-majiggy back into its place, a sort of lock without a lock.
“Anyone can open that!”
