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"That means you should try being a photographer."
With a shy smile I shake my head. “No, I mean you holding my hand."
The door opens and our hands let go as we twist to see who it is. Jaxson is standing above us with an indiscernible look in his eyes. "They're doing another shot. I say we join in.”
Ben says, “Two minutes,” and Jaxson disappears.
My heart is pounding. I feel like I got caught. I ask, “Did he see us holding hands? Oh no, does he think…” The idea that one of Ben's parents suddenly doesn't like me has my head spinning.
It spins even more as Ben says, "I know you've been drinking but I have to ask, would your boyfriend mind that I was just holding your hand?"
"Boyfriend?" I ask, confused. "I don't have a boyfriend."
Ben frowns while scrutinizing my face. "Are you sure?"
"I think I would know!"
He licks his lips, gaze dropping to his lap like he’s disappointed in me. “My dad heard you saying I love you to him.”
"Well that's a miracle because I don't have a boyfriend. So I don't know how he could hear me saying I love you too… Oh! He heard me say that to Brady! He's my ex-boyfriend. We've been split up for years now, and he's watching our dog. My dog. I mean, we got him together, but he's mine now. Brady’s not my boyfriend!" Staring at Ben I tilt my head. "You don't believe me."
"Let's just say I've heard a lot of excuses over a lot of years."
I take his hand this time, gently. "You look so sad. I hate seeing you like that. I promise you, Brady is my ex-boyfriend."
"Do you always say I love you to your ex-boyfriends?"
"Yes." I struggle to explain, “Don't look like that. I don't understand why people can't be friends with their exes. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean I have to never speak to him again. I do love him just not like how I loved him when we were together. I love him like family now. I hate breakups when you can't talk to them anymore, because it's like they died or something. Why does it have to be like that, when you spent so much time together? I told Brady when we broke up that I refused to let him be gone forever from my life. I wanna know when he gets married and has kids. I want to know when he gets promotions. I want to be able to tell him things like that about me, too. Do you think that's wrong?” Letting go of Ben’s hand I insist, “Because I don’t. I feel very strongly about this.”
He's looking at our separated fingers, the world on his shoulders. In a deep voice he says, "I think it's kind of great."
"Do you believe me?"
He rises up, holding out his hand. "Let's go get shots."
I grin, take the help, and then say, “Wait. I want you to know something.”
He turns to me, so much taller it’s wild. “What?”
My heart beats fast. “I haven’t told Brady about my dream to be a photographer.”
Ben smiles, takes my hand, and leads me inside.
EIGHTEEN
Willow
Inside we find that Rachel and Sylvia are making pepperoni pizzas, Rachel running over as she spots her son and I. "And I can only do one more shot. But since I haven’t done shots with my husband in maybe a decade…” The line up is of tequila, complete with limes and salt.
I groan, “Oh boy. Here we go."
Sylvia says, "Jaxson and Ben have to do two to catch up!"
The Brooklyn girls say in unison, “They'll have to do more than that,” bursting into giggles.
Jaxson says, “Hang on," and kisses his wife with all of us cheering them on. What a kiss! Ben throws me a glance, a smile on his face, and we turn our attention back to watch as his father put salt on Rachel's wetted lips. The whole room goes nuts, all of us except for Rachel downing our shot glasses, cheering as he kisses her right afterward, salt disappearing from her lips. He goes for the stack of limes that we are all, each of us, are enjoying of our own, everyone squinting at the sour combination of tastes. He puts his lime down last and says, “Just wanted to make sure you didn't have another shot honey." She laughs, grabs her shot glass and drinks it despite him. Making him crack up.
"Don't control me," she smiles, tantalizingly, looking absolutely beautiful.
