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“It all comes down to the same thing, she doesn't want to divorce you and she's a little cuckoo in the head. So she's doing anything she can to hold onto the life she didn't seem to want anyway. Or maybe she was happy just getting a free ride. Lots of people are like that. Thankfully not many of them are in our family.”
"Don't remind me. I'm the only one with a…” I rub my face and grunt, “I’ll stop there. I don't want to call her names. She's going to be in my life for a long time because of Jonny.”
Dad drinks his lemonade. “How is he doing with all of this? With what happened last night?"
"Right after Shelby went to bed I called and spoke to her mom. He was told Shelby had been invited so he was happy about it. Makes me so fucking angry. It’s confusing for him. Jonny’s an easy going kid. Smart.”
“What kid doesn’t want their parents to stay together?”
“Right,” I sigh, “I got on the phone with him and told him the truth in a watered down version. He has to know. Because, when she came back, who knows what she’s saying? I have to be the voice of reason. Do you know she told mom and Willow how hard it is to be a mother? Mom didn’t believe her, I’m grateful for that, but I haven't had a chance to talk to Willow about it."
"Let your mom do that."
Pausing to think and drink my coffee, I reluctantly agree, “Yeah I guess that's more…appropriate. Willow is a guest. It’s mom's business and reputation. The future of Sunflower is on the line. Because of me. Which reminds me.” I take out a wad of cash, all hundreds, and place it on the memory-stained wood table. “To cover those refunds.”
Dad frowns at the cash, then stares at me. “You went to the bank during all of this?”
“I keep cash at home. Remember when we had that crazy snow storm that lasted two weeks? Had to get gas for the generator and the gas station was on theirs, machines weren’t working.”
“How could I forget?”
“Then you remember how the people who just had cards got turned away.”
“We helped out where we could.”
“Same. You know that. Anyway, I’m never going to be without cash again, in case those machines don’t work.”
“Smart,” he says, thoughtfully, “We keep some in the house, too, but not this much. I’m going to add more. Couldn’t hurt.”
“You don’t get interest on it, but it’s always there. Doesn’t make sense not to be safe. With everything online, what happens when the electricity goes down?”
Dad sighs, “I said we would do whatever we could to help you through this. "
“I know, but…”
"If that means covering the cost of a retreat, it's a small price to pay for your freedom and peace of mind." I start to argue but Dad, usually a man of few words, except for when we have these talks, doesn't let me get one in, arguing, “We've built a solid business. Well, more them than me, but I’ve done my fair share. We have nearly a 5.0 when people look for retreats in the US. It's been many years in the making. One time with a little bit of drama is not going to tear us down. And I'll tell you what, even if it did, we’d just build it back up. Everything is possible when you put in the discipline.”
"Eating the cost of this one, Dad…"
"We saved money over the years. We live well under our means.”
“Me too. You taught me that. You’ve had the same truck for 15 years now. I’ve had mine since I met Shelby. It's the one I hit Paige in. Man, that feels like forever ago."
He nods, then explains, “We haven't touched the money that came in from this group, so Sylvia spent the morning processing refunds that should be hitting their banks within three business days at the latest. All depends on where they bank.” Dad stretches and says, “Thank God they handle all of that because I'd much rather be outside than sitting at a computer. Let's go over and have some dinner."
I shake my head. "I've caused enough trouble."
He rises. “So…what — you go home and make yourself a meal in that house after fighting all night and morning and sleeping on the couch?" He shakes his jeans into a more comfortable position. "Let's get a good meal into your stomach. Spend some time around good people. You can be alone later."
I rise, stuff the money back into my pocket, “I really wish you’d let me pitch in for the loss,” my mind returning to Willow where it hadn’t traveled far from this entire conversation. And last night. Part of why I couldn’t sleep was because I was wondering about her. Gave me a break from worrying about my Ex.
“No, Ben. Keep all of your savings.”
“You think dinner is a good idea? Things have probably calmed down over there.”
“Perfect time to eat then,” Dad smiles, making it clear I won’t win an argument.
We head out, walking across the ranch toward Sunflower at an easy pace, sunlight on the parts of our faces cowboy hats don’t cover as Dad surprises me with opening up some more. “Before your mother came back to Atlanta, I was alone here. I can't explain how much marrying your mother has given me over the years. Not just the love we have, which is a miracle to me every day, but also meeting hundreds of people through Sunflower. Is it thousands now? Might be. They would have the numbers on that.” He inhales, head lifting to squint at the Sun, crows feet deepening. “Had I not run into her at that farmers market, I would never have met any of those people either. We wouldn’t have had you, a thought that’s haunted me more than once. How close I was to losing her again, had I not stepped up and made it happen. And I wouldn’t know Sylvia, the sister I never got. I’d have no idea what I’d missed out on, either. I’ve thought about this so many times during quiet moments when I’m milking the cows and I’m alone — it’d just have been me if I never met Rachel. For all of these years. And I’d be up here, oblivious to it all. Like the movie, It’s A Wonderful Life.”
