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"Can I see one of your photographs?"
My eyebrows rise and I shrug, feeling suddenly shy. Holding my camera so he can't see it, I flip through the photos and choose one of a magenta wildflower that was tiny but because of my lens, fills the frame. My heart beats fast for so many reasons. Meeting his eyes I hold the camera against my chest, picture close to my heart. Where it belongs. “I usually don't show my work to people. I did this workbook called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron?” He shakes his head once that he doesn’t know about it, so I explain, “She said that showing people things when they're new, it's like asking them to step on the first tiny blade of grass when you're trying to plant a lawn. If they don't have the right reaction, it can damage your creativity. Stop you from moving forward." Uncomfortable, I laugh, “Does that make sense?"
Ben nods once. “Yes.” The sun comes out, making me awestruck by the pale yellow specs embedded in forest green. It’s not just his eyes that are disarming, his face is rugged, tanned by the sun, great nose, kissable lips, and I have to wonder how one man can be so beautiful. "Willow, I don't know why I want you to know this but, whatever she told you, you need to take it with a grain of salt." He smirks, “That's the first time I've ever used that saying. All none of your business, I know. I just felt the need to clear things up with you since I saw the three of you talking and I know how she is. Haven’t had a chance to talk to Mom alone about it. I’m worried about what Shelby said.”
"Honestly, I felt like she was just trying to fit in. It's a pretty uncomfortable situation but I told your mom that we should… That's not really accurate. I invited her to sit with us because your mom was so uncomfortable and I figured it would make you feel better if we made Shelby feel at home. Plus I guess somewhere deep down I was aware that the others might be coming out soon and I was avoiding a scene. I don’t know if I thought that far into it, but Rachel and I were both checking to see if everyone was still in the exercise room when we were talking. It was just…a little bit of a tense situation.”
Rubbing his face, he says on an exhale, “Then I came in and grabbed her and created a bigger one.” Locking eyes with me he adds, "I'm sorry. I cost them a lot of money and I embarrassed myself, my parents, and everyone has had a shitty first twenty-four hours."
Feeling for him, I hesitate and then hold out my camera, pressing the button to relight the screen. He hesitates, knowing this is not easy for me, then looks at it. As he takes in my photograph, his head tilts a little and I can see appreciation in his gorgeous forest greens. "Wow."
Shyly I ask, “You really like it?"
Still staring at the photograph he says, "I grew up on this ranch. I've seen those flowers ever since I can remember but I never really noticed them. They're so small and this is huge. All the little details. Just… Wow."
My heart soars and I look at the photograph with him, seeing it through his eyes as one does when we share. "I'm glad you like it. This one's my favorite. But I like this one too.” I flip to one of their photos and show it to him, explaining, “Purple flowers are special to me. They were my grandmothers favorites. It didn't matter what kind of flower, as long as it was purple, she loved it. They always remind me of her."
"It sounds like you lost her."
I nod, staring at the violet flower on the screen. “When I was 20. She had my mom late, so she had a long life.” I meet his eyes. “But I would've liked to have had her longer in mine.”
"Lunch is ready!" Rachel calls out to us from the porch.
We both look over and I wave, but he doesn't. "You're not joining us for lunch," I ask.
"No.” There’s real pain on his face as he says, “I think everybody needs to not see me for a while."
I want to ask him to stay, but my reasons for that are not cool. "I should probably be going in."
On my walk back to the house I feel goosebumps down my spine. Glancing back I see that he is watching my exit. I wave a little, and he returns by a simple lifting of his left hand. Still no ring on it, I think to myself, trying not to hope that when he said Ex he meant it. I’ve heard my fair share of horror stories from women who fell for married men who said they were getting divorced, then didn’t.
Rachel greets me, “Everything okay?”
“Perfect. I was just showing him my…” I hold up my camera. “He apologized for everything. I told him it’s none of my business.”
Her eyes travel to her son, and I pass her knowing in my heart that they’re about to have a talk. I wish I could hear what they’re about to say…
THIRTEEN
Ben
Our cowboy boots make their way through the tall grass. Mom and I are a good distance away from Sunflower when she asks, “Are you staying for lunch?"
I hug her. "I love you. Meant to tell you that last night."
Mom hugs me back, "I love you more than I can say, Ben. And I wish I could fix all of this for you."
"It's my mess to clean up."
We separate and I hesitate, then ask, “What's Willow's story?"
"She's nice, isn’t she? And she has a boyfriend. Your father overheard her at the airport.” Mom smiles, “I already asked. There's something about her I really like. Before Shelby arrived, she apologized for coming out onto the porch last night. Honestly, with all the chaos and me thinking about our retreat guests and how worried I was about you, it never occurred to me that they had come out on purpose to listen. I take it from her apology that it’s why they did it.” Thoughtfully she adds, "I wonder if she is interested in you."
My back straightens. "Do you think so?" Then I shake my head. "She has a boyfriend."
"So did I when your father and I…”
My thumbs jam into my jeans pockets as I think about it. "We were talking for a little while and it was hard for me to hear what she was saying because I was thinking, she’s so beautiful.”
