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Then I tell him, “You know what? The worst thing is, the worst thing of all of it, I feel like the four of us are side-eyeing second-guessing and mistrusting each other and we’re losing each other, We’re losing — I’m losing, the biggest and best and most important thing I ever had in this whole damned god-forsaken world. the most precious thing I was ever even fucking close to, and thats us. I feel like we’re slipping away through my fingers and there doesn’t seem to be a single damned thing I can do about it.”
“That’s because it’s not your fault.” His voice is soothing. You can’t fix it, not on your own, because you didn’t break it.”
“But I NEED IT FIXED,” I smash my glass on the counter. Red wine splashes and shards and splinters of glass go everywhere.
“I NEED ALL OF YOU. You’re my whole fucking world. I can’t lose US and OUR THING. I can’t live without it. I can’t lose any of you.”
“Lucia.”
My voice cracks. “All the men I love are somewhere else and I feel like Im losing everything. I’m all alone here in the house and two men broke in to kill me. I killed one of them myself with a skillet he’s dead on my kitchen floor. And I kept my my white Armani dress perfect and now it’s is splattered in fucking red wine.”
“I’m coming right away.”
“Honestly,” I tell him, “Finish whatever you’re doing. Take your time.”
I have to bite my lip.
He says, “I love you, Lucia. Zuccherina”
“I love you too, Bruno.”
My cheek is wet.
“I’ll be right there.” He hangs up.
I have to face the fact that Chicago can’t or won’t get along with our relationships.
While I’ve got no idea where Alessio’s head is at right now, I don’t really know where I stand with Bruno and Carlo for sure, either. With Carlo, I could be solid but at this point, I just can’t tell.
I know that Alessio needs his non-blood-family brothers, almost as much as he resents and scorns them. The fact is, unless I’m tight with all three of them, I don’t know or certain if I’m secure with any of them.
Jerry’s talk of franchising and ‘made guys’ is definitely working on Don Romano. He’s hot to trot.
And, as far as I can see Alessio is in with Jerry’s plan, though I really wonder if Jerry is leveling with him about that.
And we’ve still got a rat. And the Cascades deal looks like it’s dropping down a hole. And, most important to me, Im losing my kings, my loves. My men.
Damn I want to cry.
I set brunch for the four of us out on the patio. It’s not too hot and we have a view of the ocean through the trees. Sipping coffee, I can’t help thinking of the view from the ridge at Don Romano’s hilltop property.
First I think about getting the trees cut down. Then I realize the house would be exposed and visible on at least two sides.
I try to get my head straight. Jerry wants me to give up everything.
Not only to step away from heading the family businesses, but to cut my ties with Alessio. With all my men. I don’t know if I’m even capable of that.
But have known men like Jerry. They tell you they just want one thing. But they will hammer on and on for that one thing like it’s their holy grail, their life’s quest. And so, they wear you down until, under pressure and duress, finally you give in.
By then you’re thinking, ‘It’s not so much. And it’s only this one thing.’
But, of course, it’s not.
As soon as you give in to the first demand, they’re back with the next one. And it’s the same. It doesn’t seem so much, but it will get them off your back. And then on to the next. And so it goes on. And it never stops.
With a man like Jerry, any time there seems to be a choice, the choice winds up being between on the one hand doing what he says, or on the other hand getting whacked.
Bruno bursts through the door and he comes running through the house and out to the patio.
