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Garin’s hand shook where it stroked Sazahk’s biceps. “That should have never happened to you.”
Sazahk shrugged, but the shiver that accompanied it told Garin his words had struck a chord in the mysterious man. “Lots of things happen to people that never should have.”
“That doesn’t make what happened to you any less terrible.”
Sazahk shuddered again, and this time Garin heard the wet sound of a muffled sob. “Do you believe me now? That my reluctance to allow you to braid my hair was never because I found you wanting?”
“I believe you.” Garin grimaced, guilty for having forced Sazahk to share this trauma with him to save the feelings he’d hurt with his own self-absorption. “I’m sorry for not believing you before.”
“I wasn’t honest with you.” Sazahk settled against Garin’s body, limbs heavy. “Your distrust was a natural side effect.”
“Thank you for sharing this part of your past with me.” Garin kissed the top of Sazahk’s head and Sazahk stiffened and Garin grimaced again. He just couldn’t keep his damn feelings in, could he? They kept leaking out of him, as chaotic and un-contained as Sazahk’s pack.
But then Sazahk loosened again and burrowed even farther into the warmth of Garin’s body. “You’re welcome. Can we go to sleep now?”
“Yeah.” Garin let out a relieved chuckle. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”
He shifted into a more comfortable position while still keeping Sazahk’s slim body tucked tight to his, right where it should be. Right where it should be every night. Garin pressed his lips together as he closed his eyes. That was a fantasy. But in the warm space of this sleeping bag, before sleep took him, Garin let himself indulge in it.
Chapter Twelve
It was an irrational desire, Sazahk thought as he and Garin walked along the top of a ridge. Irrational and dangerous, but a desire, nonetheless.
He wanted to tell Garin how he felt.
It would take a lot of words to do so. Nuance wound through the mental, emotional, and physical sensations Garin aroused in Sazahk, and Sazahk knew he would have difficulty articulating them effectively. But Garin never seemed to mind how many words it took Sazahk to convey a thought, so Sazahk didn’t think he would mind Sazahk’s long-winded explanation of his own feelings.
Especially because Sazahk didn’t think he was misinterpreting Garin’s behavior toward him. He’d meticulously cataloged Garin’s interactions with him over the course of the day, and he’d become convinced.
First, they’d woken tangled in each other’s arms and Garin hadn’t pulled away. Quite the opposite. He’d pulled Sazahk closer as they’d gathered the energy and fortitude to leave the comfort of the sleeping bag.
Second, he’d tossed Sazahk the usual protein pouch with a smile that flipped Sazahk’s stomach upside-down.
Third, he’d offered Sazahk the opportunity to take samples multiple times throughout the day and even pointed out interesting things he might want to look at, despite the fact that Sazahk knew Garin hated to spend any more time in the Dead Zone than necessary.
Fourth, he kept looking at Sazahk and smiling, sometimes with a blush on his cheeks.
Fifth, he’d brushed the back of his hand along Sazahk’s as he passed a total of three times, which was three more times than he had any other day.
Garin was attracted to him.
And Sazahk didn’t have to do much internal analysis to know he was attracted to Garin.
So, irrationally, Sazahk wanted to offer making an adjustment to their relationship that would allow them to act on that attraction. He did see the benefits of that course of action: mainly a lot of pleasure for both of them, plus an amorphous fulfillment commonly known as romantic satisfaction that Sazahk was beginning to suspect might exist after all.
But he saw far more reasons not to make the offer at this particular moment.
For one, treacherous slopes dropped off to either side of them as they picked their way through a hilly area of the Dead Zone toward the compound. Distractions were deadly in this terrain.
They’d be safe once they made camp for the night, but Sazahk resolved not to broach the subject then, either.
Their current situation possessed too many variables.
There was the risk of awkwardness for the next two days in the case of rejection, and awkwardness between partners on a mission was as deadly as a distraction.
But worse, there was the threat that their isolated circumstances had created an artificial attraction that wouldn’t withstand the rigors of real life.
Sazahk was the closest he’d been to truly free in a decade. His scar tingled with the anticipation of regaining his implant, and his pardon was so close he could taste it. In weeks, maybe days, Sazahk could go where he wanted and do what he liked, beholden to no one. He wasn’t eager to leash himself to another again.
