AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I sit there for a few minutes, letting it all sink in. Finally, I take a deep breath and collect the trash from my pregnancy test. I’m going to take it outside to the big trash can and throw it away there. That seems like a practical step that I can take care of right now.
My mom is still sitting at the kitchen table. She’s got a book open in front of her next to her coffee cup. She glances up when I walk in, and I try to look casual as I head out to the garage where the trash can is.
The garage is chilly, and I dump the bag of trash into the bin, wincing as it slams shut. I stand there for a long minute, then another. I thought I felt nauseous before, but it’s hitting me hard now.
I don’t know if I can even go back inside at this point. Should I tell my mom? It feels like I should tell Jay first, but I don’t know how he’ll react. When I step back inside, my mother’s eyes are already on me. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to tell her, but I don’t want to go back upstairs to my bedroom where I’ll just pace back and forth until I inevitably give birth in Jay’s guest room.
Jesus… I’m gonna have to give birth.
I settle into the seat opposite my mother. She places a bookmark in her book and closes it gently. She’s studying me as I try to figure out how to start this conversation.
“You’re pregnant,” she says softly.
I nod, tears welling up in my eyes. “How did you know?”
“Honey, I was pregnant with you. I know the signs, and I know that you’ve been behaving differently. And with Jay in your life now…”
“But we were trying to stay just friends.” Despite the conversation we just had, it’s still hard for me to believe he wants something more.
“Sometimes, it doesn't work like that.” She reaches across the table and takes my hand, her grip firm and reassuring as I start to cry. I want to control my emotions. I want to be strong, but I can’t right now. I feel too overwhelmed. “It’s okay, Vi. We’ll get through this.”
“How do you know? I’m not… I don’t want this. I wasn’t expecting this.”
“A lot of babies are unexpected, more than we would know. But unexpected doesn’t mean unloved. Give yourself a chance to adjust to the news. I’ll be here for you, every step of the way. You can’t be too far along, can you? You’ve been living with me for less than a month.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I’m far along. I don’t know. I’m scared, Mom. I don’t know what to do, and I'm trying to figure it all out…”
She squeezes my hand tightly. “It’s normal to be scared, but you’re not alone. You have me, and you have Jay. We’ll figure this out together.”
I nod, feeling a sense of calm settle over me. “What if Jay doesn’t want this? What if he’s not ready? He can’t force me to get rid of it, can he?”
She looks at me with a look that says more than words ever could. “You’ll figure out where you both stand after a good talk. But I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Violet. I think he cares about you more than you realize.”
“You’re right.” I take a deep breath “You’re right. I need to talk to him, but I just don’t know how I can do that.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to do it today. You can take your time to think through how you want to tell him. It’s a big change, but you’re strong, Vi. You’ve always been strong. And you have a good heart. You’ll make the right decisions.”
Tears spill over, and I wipe them away, grateful that I don’t have to deal with this on my own. There’s no judgment on her part. “Thank you, Mom. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She gets up and hobbles over, pulling me into a hug and holding me tight. “You’ll never have to find out. I’m always here for you, no matter what.”
We stay like that for a while, her presence comforting. When we finally pull apart, I feel a little more confident, a little more ready to face the challenges ahead.
“I’m going to tell Jay,” I say, my voice steady. “But not… today.”
She nods, giving me an encouraging smile. “It doesn’t have to be today. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow either, but it should be soon. Take the time to absorb the news yourself, then tell him.”
I stand up, feeling a little more ready to face this. “I’m going to do this.”
“You’ve got this, Vi,” she says, her eyes filled with pride.
I head back upstairs to my room, my mind racing with thoughts of how to break the news to Jay. It’s a big step, but I know it’s the right one.
I open my phone and stare at one of the few pictures I have of us together. I took it one evening in the bar as we were cleaning up. He’s grinning awkwardly, his hand on a rag as he wipes the counter. I’m closer to the phone, smiling and looking pretty amazing, if I do say so myself. I zoom in on his face and try to imagine how he’ll react when I tell him.
But I won’t. Not yet.
I’m not ready to ruin what we have.
