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Kelly left me the same time Grayson did, and it only worsened my chronic leave-ability condition. It showed me yet again that everyone in my life eventually leaves.
Even my friends.
To be fair, Kelly has called or texted me every day since she moved back to Louisiana. I know I'm not alone, but it does feel very much like Grayson left me at one of my lowest points. He knew my biggest fear was abandonment, and he chose to press on that fear when he left for training camp at the exact time my best friend skipped town.
And the fact that he hasn't attempted to make any sort of contact with me since leaving only confirms how very over this is.
I'm even thinking about changing the recipe for my cookies.
I know I can't. I know they're the bakery’s best seller, and taking out my special top-secret ingredient will change the entire composition of the cookies.
But that's of little concern to me when that secret ingredient reminds me so much of the man who broke my heart.
“Do you wanna come?” Cora asks. “Ava? Ava!”
“Huh?”
“To the Gridiron tonight,” she says. “Do you want to come with Dom and me?”
“Oh…no. No thanks.”
“Are you sure? Rumor has it the team gets back today from training camp, and I'm sure the hot single ones are all going to need a drink when they get back in town.” She wiggles her eyebrows and says the words as if that will be the thing that convinces me.
In reality, I'd like to stay as far away from the Gridiron as I possibly can.
“Oh, uh…I have some things I'm working on. A couple of side projects…” I keep it vague, just as I have since I got the first call for desserts after the charity ball. I haven't admitted to Cora, Dom, Poppy, or anyone else at the bakery that I've been taking business on the side.
As long as I'm using my own recipes and supplies and not the bakery’s, there's nothing stopping me. I haven't made my famous cookies for any of my side projects, but not because I can't.
Thanks to work and those side projects, it hasn't been all sadness and tears. With each day bringing us closer to this one, with every moment that my phone remained silent, anger started to take root.
It burrowed its way in and held on tight as the pain and sadness shifted into frustration.
Each passing day seemed to get a little easier despite the many setbacks I had. But now that it's been two weeks and I haven't heard a damn word from him, you better believe I'm angry as fuck.
I realize he has been at training camp, and I know he has to focus on the game. He made that clear.
But Kelly heard from Austin.
It was just to check in and see how she was feeling, as far as I know. He didn’t get in touch with her more than two or three texts over the last two weeks.
But it's two or three more times than I got from the guy who told me he loved me.
It’s hard to buy that he really loved me, because if he did, he wouldn't be so easily able to cut himself out of my life. That’s what I keep going back to. Maybe it was just fun and games for him.
It was more than that for me.
But since he won’t bother getting in touch, I can’t ask.
I could call him—and I did.
Once.
I didn’t leave a message, and he didn’t call me back.
So now I'm at a point where I'm not even sure I would give him another chance if he did come crawling back.
It's not worth smashing the little progress I've made to regress back into something with him when he is so unbelievably sure that we were always doomed to fail. I can't be with someone who doesn't believe we can make it with the same conviction I have.
