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‘His name was Cameron.’
His shoulders stiffened. It was just a name but the way she said it made him want to seek him out and erase him from the face of the earth.
‘Do I know him?’
She shook her head. ‘I doubt it. We met when I came back from Oxford.’ Her mouth twisted and she was silent for a moment. ‘Sometimes I think if I’d never come here, it wouldn’t have happened. I got complacent. I had such a wonderful time just being me that I started to believe I was okay. You know? Acceptable. But then I went back to the States and I realised I wasn’t.’
‘What happened?’
‘I went to this fundraiser with my dad and I wore this dress and I thought I looked nice. Not incredible, just not—’
There was a tiny shake in her voice and he reached out and pulled her arm away from her waist, his hands seeking hers.
‘Did he say something?’ he said softly.
She heard the edge to his voice. ‘Yes, but not in the way you’re thinking.’
He felt his jaw tense. ‘What did he do?’
‘He was nice to me.’ Her fingers tightened around his. ‘I’d seen him around but we’d never talked, but I was sitting in this coffee shop a few days after the fundraiser, hiding really—’ She gave him a small, bleak smile. ‘He came over and told me that I was his hero. Then he sent this incredibly cutting message to this woman who’d posted a comment about my hair. Nobody had ever done that before. I was flattered.’
She took a deep breath. ‘That was kind of our first date. We started seeing each other and then one Saturday he invited me and Lucas to this party at the Colvilles’ house upstate.’
He nodded. He knew the house. Knew Ward Colville and his brother from school.
‘At first it was fine. It was fun. Everyone was drinking and I did too, but I knew I had to get back because I had a breakfast meeting with a client. Only Cameron was too drunk to drive. We all were, except Lucas. I knew he didn’t want to drive but I asked him anyway.’
He heard her swallow.
‘Cameron put the music on real loud and he was singing and I forgot about Lucas because it felt like I was in a film. Only then suddenly there was this police car. And I wasn’t worried because I knew Lucas hadn’t been drinking. But what I didn’t know was that Cameron had stolen the car Lucas was driving.’
Her hand moved to her face.
‘Lucas was arrested.’ The pain in her voice made his heart squeeze tight. ‘We all got taken to the station. It was awful.’
‘Why didn’t I know about this?’
‘My dad made it go away.’ She hesitated. ‘And it was about the time your mother and Charlie—’
He thought back to the days and weeks, the months after the accident. The whole world could have been on fire and he wouldn’t have noticed.
‘And Lucas?’
She bit her lip. ‘He’s not a lawbreaker. He was devastated. He wouldn’t leave the house. He stopped composing and then one day I came back from work and he was lying on the floor in his bedroom and I couldn’t wake him up.’
A tear ran down her cheek and he felt something wrench apart inside him. In answer to his earlier question, this was the worst that could happen. ‘I’m so sorry, Lily.’ He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her against him.
‘Afterwards, he said it was an accident. He hadn’t been sleeping well since the arrest and he was so anxious all the time. He told my mom and dad that he just wanted to stop all the noise in his head.’
He knew that feeling. When he was a child, it had been excruciating. At its worst, it had made sleeping, even sitting still, a torment.
‘But my parents wanted to be sure. That’s why they sent him to Switzerland. To the Galen.’
‘It’s a great clinic.’ Pulling her closer, he kissed the top of her head. ‘Carter’s brother did rehab there. That’s how I knew about Lucas. Carter asked me to go with him to collect his brother and I saw Lucas walk past a window just for a moment. I don’t think I would even have noticed him, but he was holding a violin.’
Her face twisted.
‘It was my fault. I knew Cameron was trouble. He was always telling lies. Stupid lies. Like once he left a restaurant without paying. He said it was a mistake, but he liked the danger. And I liked that he liked me because he was cool and good-looking and he validated me, made me feel beautiful. So I didn’t care that he was dangerous. Because I’m shallow and selfish and not a good person.’
