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He inhales deeply letting it out in a long exhale. "No Vic, you don't understand." He pushes me off his chest forcing me back to where he can look me in the eyes. "I LOVE you. Only you. Not just as a sister."
He looks so vulnerable, so open, the chasm between us is gone. This is my Ben, this is the man I love, the one I've missed all these years. This is the man I've saved myself for. My tears continue to fall down my face dripping into his chest and I can't speak again. I nod, my hands resting on his chest.
Then he leans up into me, his lips coming closer and closer. I can feel his warm breath touch across my lips and my own latent desire explodes through me. Our lips meet and the world rocks, tilting on its axis back to right.
He pulls back from the kiss slowly, our lips clinging to each other unwilling to let their union end. I gasp as my breath comes ragged. I want to pull him into me until we are one.
"We can't," he says falling back onto the bed.
"Ben, we can ..."
He shakes his head cutting me off. "We can't. Your dad," he says.
"What is it with the two of you! I don't care what he thinks. I love you. I've always loved you. No other man has ever made me feel like you make me feel!"
Ben frowns and looks away. "You don't remember?" he asks.
I shake my head, desire turning to frustration and anger. "Remember what? You two had a fight. Then you left. YOU left!"
I hit his chest with my closed fist and it stings me probably more than it hurts him. He just lays there and nods.
"But do you remember why?"
"No. I remember Troy trying to force me. Then you saved me, took me home. I remember you holding me and protecting me then you and Dad were fighting. Did he hit you? I seem to remember you on the ground. They took me to the hospital and then when I got home you left. YOU LEFT!"
I'm shaking. I can't stop it or control it. Adrenaline pumps through me and I'm so angry, so hurt. I just want things to be like they were.
"You don't know," he says softly and I can hear the surprise in his voice. I look at him and he's wide eyed. "How can you not remember?"
"Remember what?"
"That night, after Troy ..."
He trails off and my anger flares again.
"Just tell me! Quit beating around the bush."
Ben closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Then he pushes me off his bed turning to stand himself. He rises and I have a moment to see his perfect form and almost it's enough to offset my anger at him with the rush of heat that floods through me. He throws a robe over himself as cover then looks at me.
"Let's get some tea," he says then leads the way to the kitchen.
Chapter ten
We sit at the breakfast nook. Ben pours hot water into our tea cups. Neither of us has said a word since we left the bedroom. I don't know what it is he expects me to remember but I'm taking the time to compose myself. I stopped in the bathroom and put a cold rinse on my face to clean my tears and by the time I sat down he'd gotten tea ready with some cookies that Esmeralda left for us.
He stares into his cup dipping the tea ball then he sets it aside and looks at me.
"What do you remember?" he asks.
"I told you already."
He nods raising the cup to his lips to blow on it. Then he sips, sets it back down and nods again. His right index finger begins tracing a circle on the table.
"Troy tried to rape you, you remember that right?"
I nod to keep him talking. I don't like to remember it. Troy was the Captain of the Football team and the first guy to ask me out. I'd been so excited, bought a new dress, and felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. We'd gone to dinner and a movie then he'd taken me to Overlook Point. I'd told him no but he wouldn't stop. He'd torn my dress and was almost to the point of taking my virginity despite my protests and screams when the door flew open behind him and suddenly he was gone.
I was hysterical and having an asthma attack from my screaming. Then Ben was there pulling me from the back of the car, holding me tight, putting my inhaler in my hand and helping me get it to my lips.
