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He'd heard some of the football players talking about Troy's plan. He'd beaten up three of them to find out where I was and then come to save me. Troy had spent a week in a hospital after Ben found him. We'd also pressed charges.
"Yes, I do."
"What about what happened ... after?"
I shake my head. "It's all just moments, I don't really know how it all fits together."
I hated to admit that. It made me feel weak, out of control.
"I didn't realize you ..." he says and trails off.
I stare into his beautiful gray eyes and wait.
"Well I thought you knew. That was why you never reached out to me," he says.
"Reached out to you? You left me!"
My voice cracks as anger pulses through me. Ben nods but sits in silence while eating a cookie.
"Vic, after ... Troy I brought you home. We were in your bedroom and I was trying to get you calmed down. I didn't mean to but, I kissed you. Then we were in your bed and I was going to ... then your dad walked in."
I stare at him like he just told me the moon is made of cheese. I shake my head back and forth.
"Did we ..."
"No, we didn't. He walked in just as I was about to."
He stares at me waiting to see how I'm taking it. I'm lost. I didn't know this happened but as he says the words, I can see the glimmer of a memory. I know he's telling me the truth.
It makes sense. I recall again crawling into his bed with him. The way he would spoon up against me, the feel of his erection pressed into my back. My own burning desire but we couldn't. We were related, step related but still. It would be weird. I mean, lots of girls probably get crushes on their sexy older stepbrother but you can't actually do anything about it.
"Dad walked in?" I ask trying to finish putting the pieces together.
Ben nods.
"That's why I have a memory of you on the floor in front of him!"
"That's the only time he ever hit me, yes."
"But why did you leave?"
"He made me," Ben says.
"Made you? When did you ever do what anyone else told you to do?"
"Vic, it was wrong. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. You were young, you didn't know what you were doing. You'd just been traumatized and then I tried to take advantage of you! And you're my sister."
"Step sister," I say pointedly.
"Whatever," he says. "It's not right. I shouldn't have let myself fall for you."
"Who controls who they love?" I challenge him. "Tell me who? We can't control who our hearts want! That's what all the poets and the playwrights say isn't it? That the heart yearns for what the heart yearns. We're not blood related so where's the harm?"
Ben looks surprised. He shakes his head but says nothing.
"Vic, it was wrong of me ..."
"And it was wrong of me, so what?"
