AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Yes, the band is here. Blake was...” Jamie knew all about Blake and what had happened between us. “He was less than happy with me when he saw my face.” His brows dipped. “Killian was typical Killian. He was all ‘what happened? Damn, bro, you look like shit!’ And he kept staring, asked me a million questions, and it was such a breath of fresh air. I wish all adults were like that. He asked me if it hurt. Like who does that? I didn’t realize how much I’d missed him until he came storming back into my life.”
“And you mentioned Blake?”
“What about him?”
Jamie’s lips twitched slightly, but he didn’t smile. “What did he say?”
“Blake’s pissed at me. I mean, wouldn’t you be? We haven’t spoken in years because I lied to him and went behind his back to get his mother the help she needed. I was only thinking of him. If she hadn’t gone in for the rehab and stopped drinking? Blake never would have left Canfield. I couldn’t let him give up his dreams because his mother was so selfish. He had to become the great Blake Duncan. He’s this huge star, and I’m exactly where I said I would be. Back here, in Canfield.” I fought the urge to kick over the table in front of me.
Jamie leaned back in his chair. “Being back here isn’t your fault, Tom. You had an accident. We’re working on getting you back on the ice, back out there, and—”
“Fuck that. We both know that I’m not getting back on the ice. The last time I tried to put on skates, I nearly passed out from the panic attack I had. It was bad. I will never be able to get back out there, and you know it. No amount of medication is ever going to fix me.” I gritted my teeth as my vision blurred. Damnit.
Jamie pressed his lips into a tight line. “How long have you been coming to see me, Tom?”
“I don’t know, a few months.” I reached for the box of tissues to dab at my face. When had I become a crier?
“It’s been almost a year. I’m the therapist you’ve managed to keep the longest since your accident. Why is that?”
“Because you’re not an asshole.”
Jamie chuckled. “That might be true, but there must be a reason. You gave me permission to talk to the others, and they all seemed fine to me. Therapists I would recommend to a patient if they didn’t want to talk with me anymore or if they needed more help. Medication I can’t prescribe.”
I got that from my general practitioner, who I knew kept in touch with Jamie.
“I already told you, man, you’re not an asshole. You don’t make me feel stupid for my issues, and you treat me like an adult. Not with kid gloves like the others. You’re real.” I shifted my weight as he continued to stare at me. “What?”
He shook his head. “I’d like to meet him.”
“Him, who? Oh, hell no.” That wasn’t going to happen. “I’m not bringing Blake here. He already feels sorry for me. The last thing I need is for him to find out that I’m on medication, see a shrink, and you want to talk to him.”
“I’m not a shrink,” Jamie reminded me as he scribbled something down on one of his business cards. Right, he was a psychotherapist. “Give this to Blake for me. Only with your permission.”
I popped my jaw. “You don’t have my permission. Throw it out. I’m not dragging him into my shit-show nightmare life. He has his hands full already with Maverick and Killian. He doesn’t need me.” I saw Jamie’s eyes light up the second the words tumbled from my mouth.
“Killian’s bipolar, right?” He was back to typing into his computer. “Maverick has some sort of trauma that you’re not exactly sure about. You mentioned his strict religious parents a few times.”
I scowled. “I’m not bringing Blake into this hot mess express.” I felt my hands starting to shake at thought of him knowing what a true disaster I had become. It was bad enough I had this horrible scar on my face and wouldn’t let anyone kiss me or touch my face, but dragging Blake here? Not fucking happening.
“You have PTSD, Tom. It’s not uncommon after an accident. It’s nothing to be afraid or embarrassed about. You’re doing well,” Jamie reminded me. He glanced up and frowned when he saw me staring at him. “You want to talk about what you’re feeling right now?”
I held up my hands to show him. “You know, he was my best friend first. It was Blake, Helena Hampton, Killian’s sister, Matthias Fuller, and me. We were like the four stooges.” I tried to get the tightness in my chest to release. “Growing up changes you, you know? Friends change, get married, have kids. But I always thought Bug and I—ah, fuck.” The tears started again. “I see Helena every now and then. She’s a nurse.”
“I’m aware.” He nodded at me. “You’re more emotional today than I’ve seen you in a while.”
I sniffed into my tissue. “It’s Blake,” I admitted. “Seeing him...” I glanced out the window again, trying to gather myself together. “I have this box in the back of my closet. I call it the Blake Box.” This was the first time I’d ever mentioned this to Jamie before. “Pictures, memories, movie and concert ticket stubs... I shoved them all there when I told him to forget about me. I opened it last night for the first time in years.” When I looked up, he was waiting for me to continue. “You know, he was always this force, right? Happy, friendly, and kind to everyone. He always saw the good in everyone. When I first kissed him...” I bit my lip as I thought back to that day. “He said he was waiting for me. That he wanted to be with me.”
“Is he bisexual?” Jamie asked.
I shook my head. “No, he said he was gay for me. That’s crazy, right?” I barked out a laugh as Jamie thought it over.
“You two spent a lot of time together. It happens a lot. Look at your brother,” he told me.
I managed a half smile. “That was one of the happiest days of my life. When Blake told me that he loved me.”
“You loved him, too.”
“Yeah, I loved him, too.”
