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We've had such an amazing time together, made so many great memories. The little bit of time we spent together was more impactful than my entire relationship with Jake, and I don't know how to pretend that never happened and walk away now.
Somewhere deep inside I knew things would end eventually, but I didn't think it would be this hard.
I blink and see the smile on his face as we sat under the stars watching a movie on the deck. In my mind's eye I can feel the roughness of his thumb as he wipes a smudge of sauce from the corners of my lips as we eat our pizza. I can feel the paddle in my hand and the vibration of the ball hitting wood as I score a winning point in our table tennis game.
And all of it, every bit of compatibility we have, all the fun, the excited fluttering he makes me feel... it all ends here.
I can see the tragic look on my friends’ faces and know that they are hurting for me.
I don't know how to deal with the flood of emotions coursing through me. It's as if every thought in my head has gone quiet and is replaced by screaming. I want to hug him, hold on to him and not let go, even as it feels like my heart is shattering.
I know he's still little more than a stranger, but the feelings I have for him are real and I can’t deny that.
I've had more fun with him since I met him on this trip than I ever had with Jake.
“Are you okay?” he asks softly, his breath stirring the hair around my ear.
I shake my head no and let out a nervous laugh. “No, but I will be.” I can't help but feel like I'm being ridiculous. What must he think of me right now? That I’m a silly little girl that got far too attached way too quickly? Maybe he thinks I'm psycho. What if I am?
I have never believed in love at first sight. But I didn't love him the moment I met him. I was fiercely attracted to him, sure. Even now, I wouldn't say that I love him, just that I like him and I'm sad to see him walk out of my life.
He skims his hands down my arms and laces his fingers with mine. “Zoe, you're incredible. You managed to break me out of my work brain and help me enjoy this vacation. Nobody's ever done that before.”
If he keeps talking, he's going to make me cry and I blink rapidly, as if that'll stem the tears. He makes me feel special, but in an honest way that doesn't feel like a line he’d use on every girl he meets. But maybe I'm just being naive.
He lets go of my hands and reaches up to brush my hair back from my face before tilting my chin up. I finally meet his gaze. “I mean it. You have been absolutely amazing.”
Everything else fades into the background. I can no longer hear the buzz of noise around us or feel the push of people. I forget my friends are standing near us, pitying me. All I can think about and focus on is him. Damien. Those incredibly bright blue eyes, that brown hair, his sharp, angular, movie-star features... I have no idea how this man is single, and even less idea why he's interested in me. But he ticks all the boxes of everything I want in a man.
I love his sense of humor and the way he'd supported me when I was stressed out about Jake. And his way of pulling me into the moment and away from my phone. I love his teasing and jokes, his kind eyes, the way he kisses me and makes me feel important. Jake never made me feel important. Heck, no boyfriend ever made me feel important.
“Thank you. You’re amazing too.” My words seem to fall flat, and I want to tell him that I don't know how to walk away. I'm not sure what words to say to tell him that I can't stand the thought of him walking out of my life forever... my brain can’t figure out how to tell him anything without sounding like a crazy stalker girlfriend who’s also a walking bouquet of red flags.
I feel the sting of tears all over again and try to blink them away. I don't want to cry in front of him. I want to be strong, and I don't want him to remember me with red-rimmed, watery eyes and a Rudolph red nose. I’m stronger than this. Or I thought I was, anyway.
“You are the most amazing man I've ever met, and I'm so glad I met you. Thank you for everything.” The words don't sound too bad in my ears, and I suddenly hold out a little bit of hope that maybe I can articulate what I'm feeling in a way that might keep him from walking out of my life forever.
His gaze softens and his eyes crinkle the corners as he smiles. Without warning, he pulls me into a tight hug, his arms strong as steel cables around my ribs and his hands gentle on my lower back. When he whispers in my ear, a shiver runs through me. “I don't want to say goodbye.”
I don't want him to say goodbye. I want him to say this doesn't have to be the end, that we can see one another again, that maybe we can see where this spark between us might lead.
I loop my arms around his shoulders and whisper, “Neither do I.”
He exhales a deep breath and presses his forehead to mine. We stay like that for a moment and gazes locked, body heat mingling, I feel at home, loved, and safe. Safe in the arms of a stranger. I can feel his warm breath on my chin, and when he leans in and touches his lips to mine, my whole body melts like butter on a hot summer day.
He barely pulls back to speak and his lips graze mine as he whispers, “I want to see you again.”
A surge of hope and relief floods through my entire body. I've been so worried that he didn’t feel the same. But he’s making a move, and my heart does a funny dance in my chest. Maybe this isn't the end after all. Maybe this is a sign that there's more to come from this odd connection we share.
“I'm glad you said it first, because I also want to see you again. I just didn't want to sound like a crazy chick who’s moving way too fast.”
He chuckles. “How are we supposed to know if this thing between us is real or fake unless we explore it?”
He has a point. “You're making way too much sense.”
“I know you just got out of a really bad relationship, and I don't want to contribute to that in any way, shape, or form. I'd like to be here for your healing journey, and we can take things as slow as you need.” As he says the words and validates everything I've been through with Jake, heat warms my entire body and I smile.
How is he so impossibly amazing and perfect for me?
