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One of the perks of flying these days is that I do it in first-class seating. Even if the Hawks hadn’t footed the bill, that’s where you would find me. But the organization flew me from California to Chicago yesterday.
I was traded two days ago. I’d asked to be traded months ago, but my bad behavior was the nail in the coffin that finally sealed my fate. The entire time in California, I played hockey and partied. My days resembled my lifestyle in college, only there were no classes and no one scolding me to become a better guy. And there’s a lot more money to play with now. But if I’m being completely honest, I always felt like I was going through the motions. I never excelled on the ice. California never felt like home. I blamed my teammates and our lack of chemistry, but in truth, I’ve lost some of the fire I once had. And I’m not sure how to get it back.
“I want to be honest with you,” Coach Coates starts. “I wasn’t on board with the trade when it was first discussed. Sidney Haskas is a friend of mine.”
Sidney Haskas. The GM of the Anaheim hockey team. And the father of the girl I railed in a club recently one night. Only I didn’t know it was his daughter. And I didn’t realize anyone knew what we were doing in a dark corner of the VIP lounge. But when our pictures were plastered across a gossip magazine and on the internet the next morning, the entire world found out. Including Sidney Haskas. I discovered shortly after whose daughter she was and whose team I would no longer be a part of.
“It’s not that I doubt your skills on the ice. I just haven’t seen you stand out in the professional league the way you did in college. I know some of that is because the talent level is higher in the pros, but I don’t think that’s it. It’s you. There’s something missing.”
I stay quiet while my mind flashes back to the college freshman I once was, sitting in front of Coach Hardam while he told me that I wasn’t ready to play at the next level. That I had the talent, but not the maturity.
“And I’m not convinced that your behavior off the ice is worth the risk we’re taking by bringing you on,” he continues in that straightforward way of his. “The Hawks take pride in the type of players that play for the team. Men with integrity. Frankly, you’re a liability.”
I silently sit and take his criticism because he’s right. And I don’t have a leg to stand on right now, so I’ll eat the crow that he’s dishing up. But I don’t drop eye contact. Because fuck him for judging me.
“But I talked to some of the players and Kelley …”
Eli Kelley is the owner of the Hawks.
“And they are sold on you,” he continues. “Ollie in particular pushed me in your direction.”
I try to hide my surprise. I thought Ollie Burnham would be the last player who wanted me on this roster. He was never my biggest fan in high school and college, especially when I was dating his sister. He tolerated me on the ice. I never felt like our relationship when beyond that.
“He convinced me that you’re capable of so much more than you’ve shown so far.” Coach leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk. “That’s what I want to see from you. It’s what I demand to see if you want to be a part of this team.”
“Understood,” I say.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past three years, it’s that hockey is a business. If you don’t perform well, you’re out. And they won’t bat an eyelash when they do it. It’s all about the bottom line. Wins. Reaching the playoffs and obtaining a cup. If you accomplish that, you’re rewarded. If you don’t, you’re cut. I’m a means to an end for these people. And it goes both ways. I’m using them too—for a big paycheck, a lavish lifestyle, and a chance to play the sport I love for as long as I can.
“Good,” he replies. “I’ll be trying you out with a few different lines to see where you fit.”
He continues to talk about the logistics of the team. I nod along and play my part, answering at the right times.
“One more thing,” he says as I’m standing to leave twenty minutes later. “You have to keep your nose clean. Squeaky clean.”
“I will,” I vow.
A short burst of air escapes his nostrils as his eyes narrow. “As much as I’d like to think your reassurance is enough, it isn’t. I don’t trust your judgment, and I sure as hell don’t trust your word right now. Not yet.”
I sigh and run a hand through my hair, looking away in frustration. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that we’re making arrangements to ensure that our investment in you is a sound one.”
“Meaning?” Even I can hear the hard edge to my words. But I’m losing patience.
I might have made some mistakes, but I’m a grown man, and they’re treating me like a child.
“We’ll tell you more when we have things arranged.” He glances over at Coach Tremble. “That’s all for now.”
Tremble stays behind, probably so they can talk about me behind my back. Weigh my prospects. Discuss which guys I might complement on the ice and what to do about my antics outside of the arena.
I try to shake off the meeting as I stop in the locker room to talk with the training staff about how I like my sticks wrapped and to get my bearings. I touch my name plaque on the locker, right next to Ollie’s. It’s strange, being here and knowing I’m going to hit the ice for a skate around with my new team tomorrow, then start playing with them the night after that. And that Ollie and I will be teammates again. There isn’t much time to adjust to all the changes happening.
I leave the arena and grab a rideshare to my new place. I pick up some food along the way to eat at home. The doorman and concierge greet me by name, though I just arrived yesterday. I take the elevator to one of the higher floors. I’m not in the penthouse, but I’m not far below. Ollie is one of my new neighbors, but I’m not sure which apartment is his. Several of my teammates have places in the same building. The hallway is quiet when I exit and walk to my front door. There are only three other apartments on this floor, and I haven’t met my other neighbors yet.
I enter my new place and flip a light on as I go, noticing the sun as it’s setting outside of the floor-to-ceiling windows. I have panoramic views. One side shows the city. The other, the lake. It’s expensive to live in this building on one of the upper floors, but the view alone is worth it. And I can afford it these days.
I walk past unpacked boxes and furniture that was just delivered this morning. Most of it was arranged for me. I just pointed to what I liked, and it magically appeared in my apartment. That’s the beauty of team resources and personal assistants. I don’t have a PA myself, but I fully utilized the team’s. This place has five bedrooms and four bathrooms, more space than one person needs. Especially when the first house I lived in as a child only had one bathroom for the three of us. The kitchen is an open concept and flows into the living room. I have a huge couch and an even bigger television hanging on the wall.
