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I take my food into the living room and settle onto my couch. I turn on the television for background noise, but there’s not much on. I settle for an old hockey game that I’m not really paying attention to. I eat my dinner and watch the sun fully set. The room is mostly dark since I didn’t bother to turn on the overhead lights in here, only a lamp next to the couch.
Loneliness accompanies the darkness, creeping into the space. And I’m not sure where the emptiness comes from. All I know is that it’s there, waiting for me most nights. I hoped it wouldn’t follow me from California. It’s why I drink and why I hook up with random women so many nights. It fills the void. But that emptiness always returns, like an old enemy I can’t escape.
I’m new to town, so I haven’t made friends yet. And I could call the few women I’ve met who live in the city. But instead, I call my mom.
Mom is in remission now. She has been for three years. She still gets scans every six months to make sure the cancer isn’t back. So far, we’ve been lucky. Her hair has grown in, though she complains that the texture is different now. Wiry, whatever that means. But the color is back in her cheeks, and she’s regained the weight she lost. She’s back to teaching too.
I talk to my parents for a while, and they promise to fly out to see a game soon. I insist on paying for their flights, and we argue until they finally give in. It feels good to be able to do that. My family has always lived modestly. We never had a lot of extra material things. Now, I can spoil them a bit. It’s the least I can do.
I’m a little less lonely when we hang up the phone. But I’m restless when I attempt to sleep that night. I have no idea about what is waiting for me around the corner. All I know is, I’m young, but Chicago and this team feel like my last chance.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
EMERSON
Eve was in an accident the night I had dinner with Eliott. She had been drinking. In fact, her blood alcohol level was almost two times the normal limit. Luckily, she hit a tree and not another car. It would’ve been worse if she had hurt or killed someone else in addition to injuring herself.
She was in the hospital for a few days and had to appear in court shortly after that. Her license was revoked. I took care of her for a while before releasing her back into the wild.
Life is never dull with my sister. The older she gets, the more she spirals, and I’m powerless to stop her. It’s getting harder to love her the way I always have. Unconditionally. At some point, it becomes less about love and more about enabling. Plus, I’m exhausted.
I climb down from the bench and glance around the space. Suki’s townhome has an upper deck. The entire third floor of the place is her master suite, and the deck is an extension of that space. It’s cedar wood construction, stained, sturdy, and made to withstand the harsh Chicago winters. It has a built-in bench along three sides with comfy cushions on top for seating. It’s a great entertainment space.
We can only utilize the outdoor space part of the year because of the cold winters here. Luckily, it’s fall, so the weather is still warm enough for a night outside. The area is high and has an amazing view of the downtown area. We just finished stringing lights. The sun is close to setting, and the bulbs will provide a cozy glow against the quickly darkening sky.
“Did you remember the wine?” Suki asks me. She’s wiping down the table.
“I did. I got red and white.”
“Perfect,” she replies with a smile over her shoulder. She places three large candles in the middle of the table and ignites the wicks. The flames shimmer in the dim lighting. “Let me pay you for them.”
“Absolutely not,” I protest.
Suki knows I got some bad news today. And because of it, my financial situation just went from bad to worse. But I can afford a couple of bottles of cheap wine to drown my sorrows.
“I’m so glad Oakley’s in town tonight,” I say, mostly to change the subject.
“Me too. It’s been too long since we’ve gotten together like this.”
Oakley has been living in St. Louis with Chase. He was drafted to play for the hockey team there during our senior year of college. Oakley joined him after graduation. Chase’s team has a week or so of travel, playing opponents along the West Coast, so she’s coming to Chicago for a few days to visit. She’s staying with her brother and Madison at his fancy, upscale apartment. We planned a night of wine and snacks at our place tonight so we can catch up with our old college friends.
I plug the lights in and stand back to observe my masterpiece.
“That’s so pretty,” Suki comments. “It looks perfect with the candles. Very romantic. Too bad it’s all girls tonight.”
“What do you mean? No man would appreciate this the way women would.”
Eliott comes to mind. He probably wouldn’t even acknowledge the ambiance if he were here right now. He doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body.
I was able to halt the marriage talk the night he brought it up at dinner. Eve’s drama trumped everything else that night, including him. And he hasn’t brought it up again. Yet. But I can feel it coming, like the promise of a spring storm that threatens in the thick, humid air.
I continue to admire the lights as they hang from the posts in each corner of the space. They give the entire deck a magical feel.
Suki and I go inside to get dressed, then spend the next half hour on the final details. Right on time, the doorbell rings.
“Welcome!” I yell as I sling the door open, hugging Madison and Oakley one at a time before stepping back to let them enter.
Suki is right behind me, repeating the process.
