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She closed her eyes for a moment and enjoyed the feeling of his warmth mixing with hers. “Thank you. It was difficult. I felt like I was living in a bad dream or a fog for a long time. I leaned on my parents and Haven and Derek. They got me through it.”
“I’m so glad you had them to take care of you.”
She looked out toward the swings where children pumped their legs and floated up toward the sky. “After Jace died, I almost put the house up for sale, but it felt like I would be betraying him by moving. At the same time...” Her voice trailed off.
She found him watching her with a warm expression, and she felt itchy under his stare. But his sympathetic eyes calmed her. “It’s difficult to explain why I stayed. When I’m there, I feel like he’s still with me sometimes. But I know he’s gone.”
He nodded slowly, and embarrassment warmed her neck.
“That was a lot to unload on you, Carter. I’m sorry for doing that again.”
“No, no.” He rubbed her arm, and comfort rolled through her. “I’m sorry for your loss. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love. They leave a hole in your heart that can’t ever be filled.”
She sniffed and gave a little laugh. “That’s true.” She turned toward the swings again. “Did you come here often when you were a kid?”
Carter nodded and looked out toward a group of adults. They laughed while they played a game of Frisbee on the lush green field of grass. “My mom and grandmother used to bring me and my sister here on weekends.” He pointed at the playground. “Shauna and I would play on those swings for hours while my mom and nana sat on the bench and talked.”
“What do you remember about your mom?”
He set his plate down, bent his knee, and rested his arms on it. “She passed away twenty years ago. I was about ten, and Shauna was fourteen.” He scratched the back of his neck. “She was beautiful. Shauna looks like her—tall and slender. She had dark-brown hair, but her eyes were hazel. If I concentrate, I can still hear her voice and her laugh. She always read to me at night. She loved books and encouraged us to read, even though I wanted to be in the garage with Grandpa.”
“May I ask what happened to her?” Her question was soft.
“She hadn’t been feeling well.” He studied his half-eaten roast beef sandwich as if the scene were reflected on the bread. “It was a Friday night. Nana kept trying to get her to go to the doctor, but she was worried about bills. My dad rarely paid support. She’d taken him to court and had his checks garnished, but I’d heard her telling my grandparents that he didn’t make much money. What she got was hardly enough to cover food, which was why we moved in with my grandparents after he left.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw. “I remember nights when I’d hear her crying, talking about how hard it was without him and how she still loved him.” He shook his head. “Anyway, she was really sick, and my grandparents wound up calling an ambulance for her. Grandpa stayed with us while Nana rode to the hospital with her. That was the last time I saw her.” He leaned back on his hands and stared out toward the Frisbee game.
Her lungs pinched with grief for him. “What was wrong, Carter?”
“Her appendix had burst, and it was too late.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
Carter gave her a sad smile. “Thank you. It really destroyed us. I cried myself to sleep every night for a long time. She definitely left a hole in my heart—in all of our hearts. Shauna changed. It was like she grew up overnight. She suddenly became my mom. She would irritate me at times, but even though I was only ten, I understood why she felt like it was her job to take care of me. I often heard her crying at night too, and it would tear me up inside.”
Darcy rubbed his arm, hoping to comfort him. Her heart went out to him. They were kindred spirits, both understanding what it was like to lose someone they loved. But while she’d lost Jace, he had lost three people he loved—his mother and his grandparents. And then there was his dad, who had walked out on him and his family...
“My grandparents tried to be strong for us, but I would catch my nana crying in the kitchen or my grandpa wiping away tears in the garage when they thought they were alone,” he continued. “They lost their daughter and suddenly had two kids to take care of without extra financial support. I know they didn’t mind doing it. But they shouldn’t have had to.”
He frowned. “Shauna is convinced that we need to find our dad, but I can’t forgive him for abandoning us when I can still remember how Mom cried for him and struggled without him. Then he didn’t even come to her funeral. After she died, I kept asking my grandparents if Dad would come back now that Mom was gone, and they would frown and change the subject. I used to believe he’d show up on my birthday to surprise me, but of course, he never did. I never understood what I did to make him go away, but when I got older, I began to see it wasn’t my fault. He was just a coward. He didn’t want to be a father and a husband.”
He paused and then added, “How can I forget how he went on and lived a new life without giving us a second thought?”
A hush blanketed them while they stared down at their plates.
“Thank you for trusting me with your story,” she said softly.
He met her gaze and nodded.
“You’re so strong, Carter.”
He looked unconvinced. “Why would you say that?”
“You haven’t let what happened turn you into an angry person.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “That’s not entirely true. I’m angry with my father.”
“But you’re still kind, friendly, and fun.” She pointed her bottle of water at him. “And you’re a really good singer.”
