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Still, I take a deep breath and try to push out the negative feelings. I can tell this has been a rough day for Olivia. Her having to see that piece of shit ex of hers. Me doing something that’s now made it even harder for her to forget him and move on. And then I come over and drop this bomb on her.
It’s a lot to deal with. I get it. If she needs space, I’ll give it to her for now. But no matter how much space is between us, I’ll still be loving her.
“You need space, fine,” I say. “But don’t think I didn’t mean what I said. Don’t think that those were just words I spewed out without knowing what I was saying. I love you, Olivia.”
Then I give her the space she asked for, hoping like hell that next time I see her, she’s ready to tell me she feels the same way I do.
43
OLIVIA
There’s a tinge of unreality hanging over everything when I wake up Sunday morning. Sitting up in my bed, I ask myself, could the last forty-eight hours really have happened the way I remember them?
The thing I’d been dreading finally happened: Tuck and my ex faced off on the ice. They got into a massive fight. Then the next night, they got into a bigger fight, with their whole teams. The entire campus started buzzing with rumors about why, placing myself and my relationship with Ryan right in the middle of a story that’s attracting national media attention. Then Tuck told me he loves me—and I told him I need space.
I let myself fall backward into my pillow like I’m tumbling off a cliff. A long, heavy sigh slides out of me. The seconds tick by as I’m flat on my back, staring up at the blank white ceiling of my room.
What a fucking weekend.
Tuck told me he loves me.
The memory of his words laces through me. Instantly, a bright, warm feeling hums through my veins. But it doesn’t last long. It’s quickly replaced—by fear.
The emotion grips my chest, its sharp talons digging into my heart.
After Ryan, I promised myself I’d never let another man wrap me around his finger like he had.
Remembering those three words on Tuck’s lips, spoken in his honey-infused drawl, while his blue eyes held my own, I know that Tuck could have me wrapped around his fingers. He could hold my heart in the palm of his hand. I could fall for him so much harder than I ever fell for Ryan. Because Tuck is a thousand times the man my ex was or ever will be.
I finally haul myself out of bed. As I walk downstairs and make myself a pot of coffee, there are so many thoughts bouncing around in my head that I can’t grab onto any one of them and actually think it through.
I take my cup of coffee to the living room couch and plop down on it. I’m glad Summer spent the night with Hudson, because right now I just need time alone to marinate in all this before I try and talk it out with anyone.
I’m not totally alone, though. Salsa hops onto the couch and curls herself next to me.
“Morning, girl,” I say, running my palm down her luxurious coat. “You ever have a guy confess his love for you way, way, way sooner than you were ready for it?”
She tilts her little cat head to me. “Meow,” is her wise response.
I slouch against the back cushion. “Yeah. Good point.”
My gaze crawls to the seat where Tuck sat when he took care of me when I was sick.
My chest squeezes. I realize that I miss Tuck right now. Missing a guy I just saw last night isn’t a good sign if I’m trying to convince myself it’s too soon to be in love with him.
Is it too soon?
Things with Tuck were going so well, and it was so new. We were having a great time together, not to mention sex so mind-blowing I never would have thought it was possible. Why did things have to suddenly get so damn complicated so soon?
Part of me wishes Tuck wouldn’t give me the space I asked for.
Part of me wishes he was knocking on my door right now, demanding to be let in, that he’d tell me he loves me again, his blue gaze boring into my eyes, daring me to tell him that I don’t love him back.
Would I be able to do it? Would I be able to tell him I don’t love him?
I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that question, and it makes my stomach twist into the biggest, tightest knot of anxiety that I’ve ever felt.
I think back to the last time I was in love—or, what I thought was love. With Ryan. I think about the person it made me: dependent, needy, easy to take advantage of. I promised myself I’d never let another man turn me into that person again.
