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Ever since then, I’ve thought of it as a strength, the walls I’ve put up around my heart to keep anyone from touching it.
But maybe real strength is accepting the possibility of being hurt, but still opening your heart to someone you dare to trust.
Opening yourself up to heartbreak, because the reward, someone who will hold your heart in the palm of their hand and never dare to crush it, is so great it’s worth any of the pain you might feel or mistakes you might make while you’re looking for that person.
I spend most of the day watching mindless videos on my laptop. Summer comes back later in the afternoon, and she can tell that I’m not in the mood to talk things out yet. So, she just sits on the couch next to me and we watch mindless videos together, laughing. It’s just what I need right now.
Late that evening, Tuck texts me.
Tuck
Hope you had a good day. Sebastian made us watch a long, boring Russian movie. I bet you’d have liked it. Just couldn’t get through the day without texting you. Good night.
On Monday, I have a full day of classes and then rehearsal at the theatre in Burlington. It gives me a good excuse to turn down Tuck when he texts asking if I want to get dinner.
The gears are still turning in my head about what Tuck said to me. I think I know how I feel about it. I think I know what my response is going to be. But I just need more time to marinate. Or maybe what I need more time for is to build up my courage.
On Tuesday, when I’m sitting in my second class waiting for the professor to arrive, a girl who’s also in the class approaches me.
“Hey,” she says, getting my attention. I look up to see her wearing an amused grin. “That guy asked me to give this to you.”
She hands me a folded-up piece of paper and then nods her head towards the door. I look over my shoulder to see Tuck standing there. My heart leaps into my throat seeing him after a couple days. That scruffy hair, those oceans of blue that are his eyes.
I unfold the note. Hope this is enough space. Still love you btw. The message is scrawled in his sloppy handwriting, and he’s drawn a big heart on the bottom of the page.
I lift my head to look at him again, and he just waves at me with the biggest grin on his face before walking down the hall.
My chest thrums with warmth for the whole class.
Later, in the afternoon, I’m waiting in line for a coffee at Brumehill Brews, when a guy comes up to me.
“Excuse me,” he says. He holds something out to me. “That guy out there asked me to come in and give you this.”
Sure enough, when I follow the direction of his nod towards the glass doors of the café, I see Tuck standing on the other side. A boyish grin is carving his dimples deep on his stubble-covered cheeks.
My chest flutters. I unfold the note.
In case you were wondering, I haven’t stopped loving you since I wrote that first note this morning. In fact, I love you more. See the drawing below for proof.
This time there are three hearts drawn below the message. The first one has this morning written under it. The second heart is bigger and has now written under it. The third is even bigger and has tomorrow written under it.
Tears prick at the edges of my eyes at the same time as I breathe out a laugh and shake my head. It’s so silly, so sincere, so sweet, and so Tuck.
Giving up my spot in line, I walk outside to where Tuck’s standing, not even sure what I’m going to say when I get there.
Something sparks inside me when I’m in front of him, looking up into the bright blues of his eyes. It hits me how much I’ve missed him, even over less than three days, so much that I’ve been carrying an ache in my chest that I’ve grown used to.
“Finally had enough of all that space?” Tuck asks, his cocky, knowing, teasing drawl filling me with warmth.
I roll my eyes. “Tuck,” I say his name as an admonishment, but we both know there’s no bite to it. Especially since the edges of my mouth are pulling up.
“Hey, Olivia,” Tuck says, a quick, upward lilt to his voice like he just realized something he needs to tell me.
“What?”
He waits a beat. “I love you.”
Happiness hums through my blood as he looks down on me with that grin of his. “So I’ve heard.”
