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Warped.
However, I do remember the moment Kaz took me into Emilio’s room and I kissed our son’s forehead. Emilio’s soft skin had been warm against my lips. The scent of baby powder soothed my nose.
Max. . .you have to survive. There is your nephews to think about. . .
Paolo lay in a cot next to the crib with his tiny frame curled up in a ball and his fingers tightly clutching his pillow.
Paolo’s nanny explained that he had a nightmare and for some reason wanted to sleep next to his brother.
Had Paolo somehow known what happened tonight?
Or was it the energy of this city, bothering my baby?
I gazed at our sons, and my heart swelled.
Somehow, despite the torment gnawing at my insides, I found strength in their innocent slumber. They were still so blissfully unaware of the cruel world that waited for them outside our safe bubble.
I gently brushed my hand through Paolo’s silky hair and whispered, “Promise me. . .that you won’t follow our footsteps in this life. . .be better. Never pick up a gun.”
Paolo stirred slightly under my touch but did not wake up.
“We should go, mysh.” Kaz took my hand and guided me away.
Minutes later, I sat in an oversized hot tub big enough for at least ten people. Warm water rose up to the center of my chest.
Tension eased in my muscles.
The seats molded into the sides provided a place to rest, but my mind was far from relaxed.
Candles flickered around us, casting a soft glow over the scene, but their warmth did little to soothe the ache in my chest.
Steam rose from the surface, swirling around me in lazy tendrils.
Kaz sat on the opposite end of the tub, offering a silent source of comfort amidst the chaos. He took slow sips of his beer, and his gaze was gentle yet understanding as he watched me.
Despite the weight of my heartache, I couldn’t help but be grateful for Kaz.
Fuck. . .
My thoughts drifted back to Max, lying in that hospital bed, fighting for his life.
The image was a knife twisting in my gut.
No. I have to think about something else.
I pushed the thoughts away and focused on the warmth of the water and the flicker of the candles.
The city whispered outside our window, a quiet hum carrying on its usual rhythm. The world hadn’t stopped to be in despair with me.
Not even for one fucking second.
It felt unfair.
For me, Max’s absence was a void.
A hole.
An empty space that echoed with his laughter and was tinged with the scent of his cologne.
