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Would they linger in my heart?
Would I. . .somehow still be able to feel him near me?
I opened my eyes, not wanting to cry anymore.
Tears spilled anyway.
Kaz held me tighter in his arms. His presence was a lifeline in this storm of emotions raging within.
What would I do without Max? How could I even. . .live without him?
The car stopped, and for a moment, so did everything else—my heart, my breath, the very earth itself paused, waiting for me to shatter. I was on the brink, staring into the abyss, terrified of the inevitable, of the unknown, where the journey of death would take him, take us, and what it meant for the love that seemed too vast, too deep to be contained by the confines of life and death.
Kaz brushed his soft lips against my ear. “Mysh, are you ready?”
My bottom lip quivered. “Yes.”
I figured we were at the hotel. There was no need to check. I didn’t care. All I wanted was my phone to ring and a doctor to tell me that Max was awake and making jokes.
Please, God. . .please. . .
“Come on, mysh.” Kaz helped me out of the car.
I struggled to keep my composure, to stifle the sobs that threatened to escape, afraid that once I started crying again, I wouldn’t be able to stop.
I didn’t even remember the journey from the car to the hotel.
The walk was mechanical, my body moving on autopilot while my mind remained trapped in a whirlwind of grief and fear.
Max gripped Lemonisha and winked at me. “Eh, Em.”
“Yes?”
“I love you. Don’t forget that.”
Nervous, I placed my hand on my hips. “Stop talking like you’re not coming back ever. Don’t make me kill Misha.”
“Man, I’ll be back. Stop tripping. I just need to help him with some shit.”
“Misha doesn’t know how to share.”
“Naw, Em.” Max chuckled. “You don’t know how to share.”
“You’re mine. I don’t have to share.”
“You been around the Lion too much. All his B.D.E. is starting to seep into your pores.”
I couldn’t have told you what occurred on the elevator. It could have been filled with people or empty, music playing softly or silence enveloping us—it didn’t matter.
Kaz just held me close as my thoughts remained consumed with Max.
These motherfucking Cartel bitch ass people put you in a hospital bed. Death won’t be enough for them. Now I want to bomb. . .
At some point, Kaz guided me inside our room.
It was all a blur in my mind—minutes and seconds lost in overwhelming sorrow.
Time stretched.
