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I take a quick glance at myself in the mirror. My eyes are dark and hollow-looking from lack of sleep, and my hair is a mess of tangled curls. I pull it back with a chongo, making a low bun that will have to do before going to answer the door.
But it’s not Theo on the other side of it.
It’s Alice.
Oh god. What the hell did I do?
Her usually pristine hair is flat and greasy, tied at the back of her head in a low ponytail. She’s wearing a puffy jacket over black leggings and a UTSA sweatshirt. The roadrunner logo makes me feel queasy (or maybe that’s the hangover), a callback to those college days of pining over Ben rushing to the forefront, more raw and visceral.
“Can we talk?”
“Y-yes,” I say, stepping away to let her inside.
Her left hand comes to rest on her forehead, like she’s staving off a headache. Aside from obvious exhaustion, there’s something different about her. I just can’t put my finger on it yet. She finally sighs as I take a seat beside her. “I saw the message you sent to Ben.”
My stomach drops to the floor, along with some other essential organs, I’m sure. My chest tightens, preventing air from reaching my lungs. All this time, I’ve been so afraid that she already knew. Or suspected, at least. Her keen eyes bore into me, but this time, it’s like she’s looking at a stranger.
“I always hated that I ruined our friendship,” she says suddenly.
“Alice, you didn’t—” I shake my head, but she holds up a hand. I’m the one who lied and said I was completely over him.
“I know you gave me the go-ahead, but it still wasn’t cool. It’s girl code, for god’s sake.” She throws out her arms. “It caused the rift between us. Maybe you pulled away because of residual feelings, but I pulled away because”—she takes a deep breath as if steeling herself—“because I was jealous.”
My brows furrow, not believing her for a second. Jealous? Of me?
“I hated how close you two were, knowing your history. It didn’t matter that you were never exclusive. As if that really matters.” She rolls her eyes. “But he insisted on keeping you in his life. He said you were a good person, his best friend. The way he talked about you was the way I wished he talked about me, back when we were first dating.”
“Alice, about the message—” I start, but she doesn’t let me finish.
“He reminded me of Theo a little, actually,” she says over me, and I wince. I can so easily imagine Theo talking about her with the utmost respect, even after all they’ve been through. His eyes shining from just thinking about her. “The way he used to be around me in high school. I’ve always admired how unafraid he is to wear his heart on his sleeve, even when it’s broken. Ben has never been that way.”
“Yeah,” I say, because I don’t know what else to do.
“You look good together,” she says abruptly, her eyes turning to me. “You and Theo. Whatever their differences, these Young men have eerily similar taste in women.”
I nearly choke on my own saliva. Alice’s eyes light up with humor at whatever expression must be on my face.
“Alice, you have to know that Ben has never felt the same way I did. I never meant to send that message to him, and I can’t apologize enough for whatever trouble I caused you guys. I’m the one who’s to blame—”
“Stop.” She motions with a tired hand. “Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re entirely to blame for what happened with Ben. I’ve always had good instincts, but my mistake was never listening to them. I tried to tell myself for years that what you two had together was purely friendship.”
My eyes catch on her hand, and suddenly, I know what’s different about her. I let out a gasp.
No ring.
She catches my line of sight and glances down at her bare hand. “Oh, yeah. We’re over. Please don’t feel guilty. I don’t blame you for it. At least, not entirely.”
I gulp, feeling immensely and painfully guilty anyway. “Why not?” I ask. I’d certainly blame me if I were her.
“He shouldn’t have kept coming to you for emotional support. Not the way he was, and definitely not when he was with me,” she tells me. “Even if physical lines weren’t crossed.”
She shakes her head, and when she opens her eyes again they’re shining with empathy. “But if it’s any consolation, Theo is nothing like his brother. He’s never hidden a single part of himself from anyone. What you see is exactly what you get.”
“Yeah,” I agree, eyes filling. “Yeah, he deserves someone great.”
Alice’s brows furrow. “I thought you two were…” She trails off when I shake my head, understanding dawning in her eyes. “Well, that’s a shame. I could tell he cared about you.”
“He does,” I say. Then, as much as I know I’ll probably regret asking, I say, “How come you never returned his feelings? Or did you, at one point?”
