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A grin takes up her entire face.
“None of my boyfriends ever made me look like that just thinking about them, Miss Ortiz.” I resist an eye roll, though I doubt she’d even register it. “You gonna tell him?”
“Shut up and read your books.”
“You should tell him.” She smiles cheerily. “Live that happily ever after we love to read about so much in books.”
I don’t have the energy for Ben right now, especially since it’s past ten at night, and I’m settling down for bed. But that doesn’t stop him from sapping it from me.
Are you avoiding me?
The message comes via Instagram DM after I left four of his most recently sent memes on read. I’m three episodes behind on The Undoing and don’t have the motivation to catch up, so the memes are gibberish to me. Leaving him on read was just me being petty for the way he treated Theo on our double date. Yes, I am avoiding him as a matter of fact. Though I am surprised he noticed in less than a week.
I leave him on read again, and he must decide our friendship is in need of damage control because thirty minutes later, my phone lights up with his picture. It’s a selfie of the
two of us from a few years ago at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. His arm is thrown around my shoulders, our cheeks almost touching as we smile into the camera. It’s my favorite picture of us, but now I’m mortified that I kept it as his contact photo for so long. We look so much like a couple, my stomach bottoms out just staring at it. At… us.
Before I can pick up the call the screen goes black, plunging my bedroom in darkness. Tomorrow. I’ll deal with him tomorrow.
The next morning, I wake up to a knock on my door. I flip over my phone for the time. It’s not even nine yet. A knock sounds again, and I groan as I lift myself up from the bed. My warm, comfortable bed that I already miss as I throw on a robe and pad down the hallway.
I almost expect Theo to be behind the door, surprising me with coffee and breakfast on my morning off. But he told me yesterday he’d be spending a majority of the week unpacking and buying furniture. He turned down multiple offers to help, reasoning that he’s asked too much of me already. I know he was trying to be a gentleman, but it’s been a couple days since I’ve seen him and I… I’m starting to ache from missing him. Way more than I should miss a rebound.
It could be Angela at the door, perhaps, since she still has an hour before she’s scheduled to go into work. But she would’ve texted first after the fiasco of catching me in bed with Theo last Sunday. In the end, it’s neither one of them.
It’s Ben.
My entire body deflates at the sight of him, probably for the first time. It’s not that I’m suddenly not attracted to him anymore. No, he still looks good, with his light brown hair swept back from his face and a hand buried in the pocket of his light-wash jeans. His hazel eyes are downcast, and I breathe a quiet sigh of relief that I’m not immediately pulled into them. I’ve forgiven far too many mistakes looking deep into those light brown eyes flecked with green. He’s carrying a carton of Starbucks drinks in his other hand, held out in front of his body like an offering.
“What’s all this?”
“A peace offering. Can I come in?” Finally, I’m met with those eyes in danger of blinding me to reality.
I let him pass through the threshold, if only because the caramel macchiato he brought smells heavenly. Even after the shit he pulled at dinner, I’d be a fool to turn away free coffee, right?
He hands me the paper cup, and I take a careful sip of the hot beverage. Then he takes a seat at my couch, and I flick on the lights so he’s not cast in the gray light dimly filtered through the darkening clouds outside my window. If it rains, I could spend my day reading through the new stack of books I brought home from work.
After Ben leaves, that is.
“I’m sorry about the double date. You were right. I was a dick,” he says when I take a seat next to him. “I just hate seeing you with my brother.”
A few weeks ago, I would’ve reveled in this admission. His words would’ve played in my head for days after, over and over, my heart full and my head drunk on those sweet, nothing words. Because that’s what they are, ultimately. Nothing. And now my first thought is Alice. How could he say something like that to me, when he’s with someone else? How dare he put the idea of jealousy in my head when he knows good and well he doesn’t mean it. He wouldn’t be with someone else if he did.
“You shouldn’t say things like that.” I don’t register the anger creeping up on me until after I’ve spoken. My tone is hard-edged, sharp enough to cut.
He has the good grace to look chastened, placing a hand on the back of his neck as he looks down at his shoes.
“You know I’m only trying to look out for you, right?” he asks quietly. “You’re my best friend, Marcela. I feel like I’m losing you.”
Guilt settles like a stone in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I was naive to think a rebound with Theo would help me stay friends with Ben in the long run. It only drove an even deeper wedge between us, but if Ben’s behavior has shown me anything, it’s one that was needed.
“I wanted to tell you sooner, but Alice convinced me not to.” He shakes his head, scoffing to himself. “I don’t know why I listened to her. You needed to know the truth.”
“As much as I appreciate you looking out for me, it’s not necessary,” I tell him. “He already told me everything.”
“You knew?” His brows crease in confusion. “And you’re still…” He shakes his head at me. “Why?” There’s so much accusation laced in that one tiny word.
“He’s been open with me from the very beginning.”
