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“If it had been Krystal of the ‘beautiful face’ variety trying to kiss you?”
She lets out a groan as the back of her head falls on my shoulder.
“I’ll never tell. Now it’s your turn.” She lets go of one of my hands to walk beside me, still holding on to the other.
I nod, even as my heart starts beating faster.
We’ve both been keeping secrets from each other, and that can’t do. She’s been there for me through everything. Even though I fear I’m making one mistake after another, I know she’ll never judge me as harshly as I’m judging myself.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Theo?”
I’m not completely sure, to be honest. I keep so many truths from so many people. But most of all, the person I lie to the most is myself. There’s this image inside my head of the person I wish I was, and then there’s me. The one in love with an engaged man and fucking his brother to cope.
I don’t keep secrets from Angela because I don’t trust her. Hell, with my host of trust issues she’s probably the person I trust more than anyone else in my life. I’m the problem here. I hesitated to tell Ben I didn’t want to be just friends until it was too late. I refused to tell anyone I still had those feelings because I was scared of their judgment. And now, because Angela is the only one who knows the truth about what happened at the engagement party, I didn’t tell her when Theo and I started hooking up because she’s the only one who knows I’m still hung up on his brother.
I don’t want her to know what a mess I’ve become. No matter how much I trust her, I didn’t want her to see how low I could sink.
“I have no idea what I’m doing.” Tears sting my eyes suddenly. “I thought Ben was the bulk of my problems. But then, I tried to get over him… by hooking up with his brother.” I shake my head. “What the hell kind of a person does that?”
“You got caught between siblings. I can’t say it’s happened to anyone not starring in a CW show, but I also can’t say I’m surprised.” I bark out a sardonic laugh, a humorless sound. “Do you like him?” she asks suddenly. “Theo?”
“We’re friends.” She keeps staring at me, as if expecting something more. “What?”
“I’ve seen you guys together.” She shakes her head. “I don’t buy it.”
I don’t have anything good to say to that.
We take a break at a nearby bench overlooking the hilly terrain. My feet settle in a crumpled leaf pile, kicking them to the side as I sit down. The trees are only just beginning to change color in late October, from vibrant reds to a range of orange and yellow and brown. It doesn’t start cooling down in Texas until this time of year, and our surroundings reflect that. A late autumn blooms as the rest of the country is already starting to get snow.
Angela’s expression turns contemplative suddenly, and when I ask her what’s wrong she says, “I’ve been debating if I should tell you this or not, because I thought it’d just make things worse for you. But since you and Theo are actually hooking up now…” She trails off.
“What?” I ask her. “What’s going on?”
“Ben keeps asking me about you,” she says. “At first, I didn’t listen when he said he was worried about you being with his brother, but then…” She blows out a breath between her teeth. Oh no. Angela has never been a big fan of Ben’s, even before he started going out with Alice and she found out about my feelings. Alice got so sick of their constant bickering that she sat us all down and had them hash it out in front of everyone. Even though Angela was undeterred by the entire thing, she didn’t have much to say other than she didn’t “vibe well” with Ben.
But she’s always stood firm against him, which is why I’m surprised she looks so torn now.
“He’s worried Theo is using you to get back at him,” Angela finally says. “And considering he still has feelings for Alice, it’s not a far-fetched theory.”
“‘Using me’ how?” I ask. “We’re rebounds. We both knew we were into other people when we started this.”
“This seemed different.” She shakes her head. “Does Theo know you used to date Ben? He made it sound like Theo knew he could get back at him by dating you. Because of your history.” Because of our history? Is Ben actually saying what I think he is? But then, Angela bursts that thought by saying, “He’s convinced Theo’s going to hurt you on purpose. I’d think he was acting like a jealous ex, if he wasn’t engaged to Alice. That’s how much he’s been calling me.”
I wince, not expecting that at all. “He’s been calling you?”
“And texting,” she adds. “It could just be that he’s trying to get inside my head, but I can’t risk you getting hurt over something I could’ve warned you about.”
I take a sip from my water bottle so I don’t have to
respond right away. Is there more that Theo’s been keeping from me? I thought we’d settled everything on his end last night.
“I haven’t told him about Ben,” I say. “If Theo knows, it’s not because I told him. But Ben knew how he felt about Alice before they got together.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “He knew all along and went after her anyway. That would give Theo a reason to get back at him. Alice basically admitted she’s the reason they stopped talking to each other for so long. And she told me she’s been trying to change that, ever since she moved in with Ben. She feels guilty for tearing them apart.”
“Does Theo seem like he wants to make amends with Ben?”
