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How has no one snatched you up yet? Because you see, I’ve been in love with your brother for nearly a decade.
No, that definitely wouldn’t go over well.
His body is warm, and I’m dimly aware of the fact that we’re both still very much naked. It’s too late for more boundaries, but now I’m wondering if we should’ve set more clear-cut ones. No sleepovers, no cuddling, no anything that will attach us like superglue, that will rip us both down the middle once this rebound ends.
“Good,” I lie. Truth is, I hardly slept from all the thoughts reeling in my head. I kept thinking back on what he said at Whataburger, about not being able to promise that he’ll never develop feelings for me. All I can promise is to always be honest with you, he’d said. I only wish I could promise the same. Or that the person I’m still pining over isn’t his brother.
I snap out of my thoughts from the sound of creaking floorboards outside. I turn my head before remembering what woke me. It was the creak of the front door opening.
Shit. Angela.
I sit up suddenly as I hear her voice, and then I remember what day it is. Sunday mornings are when we walk the Leon Valley trail together. She must’ve used her spare key to come in. Double shit.
“Who is—” Theo starts to ask when I cut him off.
“You have to go.” I’m about to jump off the bed in search of our clothes discarded on the floor, but before I can, the door bursts open as Angela walks in. Her eyes bug out of her skull. She lets out a shocked squeal, hazel eyes bulging as she covers her mouth with two hands before darting back out the door just as quickly.
I cover my face with a hand, as if that’ll hide my mortification. Theo remains unfazed, resting his chin on my bare shoulder. “You think she likes me?”
I have absolutely no answer to that.
“I knew it!”
How Angela can jog and talk at the same time, I will never know. My breaths come out in huffs as we crest the top of the hill. I have to put my hands on my hips to keep my torso upright because the second I bend over, I’m done for. But Angela, energized by this new revelation, shows no signs of slowing down.
It was hard to miss the way her eyes followed Theo’s every move when we met her in the living room after rushing to get dressed. I all but shoved him out the door before either of them could say a word. Still, that didn’t stop her eyes from sparkling knowingly when he kissed the side of my forehead before he left.
“I knew you guys were hooking up.” She has the audacity to look proud of herself. Until we lock eyes, that is. “But what I don’t get is why you kept it from me for so long.”
“We weren’t,” I say, which is only technically true if you don’t count making out as hooking up. “Last night was the first time anything happened.” This is a more blatant lie, and one she sees through right away. Her brow raises expectantly as she waits for me to cough up the truth. “Okay, fine. Last night was the first time we had sex. We did other stuff the morning after we got drinks together, and then again every time we met up after.”
“‘Other stuff’ as in what, exactly?” she asks. When I don’t respond, she lets out a dramatic sigh and says, “Okay, fine. You’re not the only one with a secret. Confession time? I can go first.”
I tilt my head at her, interest piqued. When I nod, she says, “All right, I’m turning around.”
Sometimes it’s easier to admit what we’d rather ignore with our backs turned, without the pressure of another face staring right at you. Angela turns her back until it touches mine. I grab both her hands and lead her down the path.
“So, you know how I give stellar relationship advice despite the fact that I’ve never really dated?”
“Oh, you mean like the advice you gave me to rebound from Ben?”
“Bad example from an even worse listener.” I scoff, but she has the gall to chuckle. “Anyway, I think I finally realized why I’ve been ambivalent for so long about dating.” A whoosh of air sounds as she takes in a deep breath. “I’m asexual.”
“Okay.” I’m careful to keep my reaction neutral as we continue up the path. “What made you realize this?”
“Well, you’re the only one who knows I’ve never been kissed.” That was the first secret Angela ever told me. She confessed after finding out I still had feelings for Ben in order to make me feel better. You keep my secret and I’ll keep yours, she’d said afterward. She puts up a good cover when she needs to, but she’s always feared that people would find out and judge her for it.
“My cousins have always said I’m too picky for my own good. And for a long time, I believed them. That’s the only logical explanation for why no one seems to be good enough for me, right? Why I reject literally every guy who asks me out? But…” She takes another deep breath. “The truth is, I could never quite picture myself being with them. Intimately, I mean. I went on one date the summer after high school and freaked out when the guy tried to kiss me. I had no idea why, and to say he didn’t take it well was an understatement.” My heart hurts for her at that admission. She never told me about that. “It’s like, I never realized I didn’t want to kiss him until his face was centimeters from mine. But when I tried explaining that to him, it only made things worse.”
“Oh, Angela.”
“It’s not like I don’t want to date anyone, or fall in love one day. I want that so much I ache, sometimes. But I think I’ve been holding myself back from dating because I always believed sex and love were intrinsically tied. Now that I know they don’t have to be, everything’s been clicking into place for me. Ever since I read Loveless, I finally have an explanation for all this stuff. I have an identity.”
The purple book on her desk weeks ago immediately pops into my mind.
“That probably explains why you never believe anyone who tells you you’re a good flirt, either.” I’m smiling so big, I hate that she can’t see it. “And who says books don’t have the power to change lives?”
“No one literate.” Angela chuckles, gripping my hands so tight. “I’m still sort of figuring out what exactly my identity is. I don’t think I’m romantically attracted to men at all, which would explain why I freaked out the first time a guy tried to kiss me. I might’ve been more amenable if—”
