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“Well…” Her lips purse, eyes shifting away from my face. I straighten in my chair at her expression, leaning forward as if to shake the hesitation out of her.
“What?” I ask her. “It has to be bad if you’re looking at me like that.”
“Don’t hate me.” My back is ramrod straight at attention. “It’s maybe not a tell, more of an observation, but I’ve noticed that you’re more likely to do something if Ben tells you to do it.”
My mouth opens as if to speak. When nothing comes out, I force myself to close it.
“You dumped Chris the day after he said you should,” she reminds me. “You go to every restaurant he recommends and watch everything he says is good on Netflix. Yeah, yeah, you can say it’s because you guys have the same taste,” she adds when I open my mouth to interrupt, defenses kicking into overdrive. Every word out of her mouth is a direct punch to the gut. “But what about the time you took him to Biryani Pot and he complained that the food was too spicy? You love that restaurant, but you haven’t eaten Indian food since.”
I cross my arms over my chest. She’s got me there. “Okay, I agree with him too much. Noted.”
But I didn’t agree with him at all last night, when he warned me about his brother. I may jump to answer his every request, but I threw my phone across the room when he called last night.
“Has it ever been… obvious?” As much as it pains me to ask this question, it’s one I should’ve asked Angela a long time ago. But I’ve never been able to face the shame that comes with asking that question, because it’s almost worse than admitting I have feelings for a taken man. “You know, that I…” I wince before the question can fully form in my mind. But Angela’s eyes soften at my expression.
“No one else knows, if that’s what you’re worried about,” she tells me. “I’ve talked to Alice and Christine loads of times, together and apart. They’ve never shown signs of knowing, or even so much as brought it up as a joke. You’re in the clear.”
I give a jerky nod. “Thanks.”
“Anytime. You know I’ve got your back.”
We take Ben’s car.
He pulls up outside my apartment building and gets out to greet me. I try not to linger when he hugs me, pulling away from him quickly. Ben leads me to the passenger side with a hand on the small of my back. Goosebumps break out on my skin, and I rub my arms hoping no one notices. After my conversation with Angela, even though she told me no one suspects a thing, I’m more paranoid than ever about other people finding out about my feelings. Ben crosses in front of me to hold the door open. I’m well aware that sitting in the front seat beside him probably isn’t the greatest idea, but I panic at the last second and go where I’m led.
We’re all silent as Ben turns onto the road—the only sound comes from the radio blaring some top-forty hit I don’t recognize. I won’t be able to take four and a half hours of this, so to break the tension I ask, “What was it like growing up together?”
Ben is very different from his brother. Nothing really fazes him, which is part of the reason I’m still so surprised that he’s trying so hard to keep me away from his brother. He doesn’t open up to most people, but he’s open with me. Or at least, he used to be. We both used to be.
Theo, for all his scary height and physical muscle, is much more of an open book. I never would’ve guessed, after the first time we met in Ben’s old apartment. Those two versions I saw of him couldn’t be further apart, but so far, I’ve found that I don’t have to work hard to get the answers I want from him. I just have to ask.
“A lot of competition,” Ben says with a strained smile. “But I always lost, didn’t I, bro?”
“Only cuz I got dad’s genes. You never had a chance.” I laugh at this. Ben is a good half foot shorter than his brother, and much leaner in build. Their father is on the stockier side, and an imposing six feet tall.
The words are light enough, but they clearly land like a physical blow on Ben’s chest. His face falls as he looks out at the road. I almost feel bad for him, but something stops me from fully empathizing with him. I know what it’s like to be overlooked. To continuously stand in the shadow of a better choice. Despite knowing what that feels like too, Ben did it to me anyway. Maybe he didn’t realize that’s what he did, but it doesn’t matter.
“So,” Ben finally says. “How did this happen?” He gestures between the two of us with a pointer finger. “You guys are like, the least likely pairing I could’ve imagined.”
I resist rolling my eyes hard, but Theo gulps from behind me. His leg shakes against the back of my seat so hard I start to feel queasy. “Um.” Ben looks over at me, hazel eyes assessing as I work to get our story straight.
“That was all me,” I finally say, turning to Theo with a googly-eyed expression that I make sure his brother catches. “I pounced on him at the engagement party.”
“You?” Ben asks, the surprise clear in his tone. “Really?” Surprise quickly bleeds into disbelief, his eyes narrowing as he looks over at me again.
“Yup.” I twist in my seat to place a hand on Theo’s thigh, looking back at Ben as if daring him to contradict me. My brows raise in challenge, and I smirk slightly when his mouth falls open. A rush of satisfaction floods over me at having surprised Ben. “I may have had a few too many mojitos. Can’t imagine I would’ve had the audacity to think I stood a chance with him otherwise.” I force a self-deprecating giggle into my hand. “Plus, have you even seen your brother?” I sigh dreamily as I turn to Theo, googly eyes on level one thousand.
Part of me fears I’m overselling it, but if I am, it’s only because Theo is frozen with panic. But the panic in his eyes softens at whatever lovestruck expression must be on my face. His hand closes over mine, squeezing.
“You’re not too bad yourself,” he finally says, cheeks reddening. He can’t quite meet my eyes.
“Come on, you can do better than that,” I tease, with the confidence I’ve never had around a guy I was actually dating. When I slap at his leg, he takes my hand again and intertwines our fingers. I resist a shiver when his thumb slides up my palm, stroking.
This doesn’t feel like pretending.
His lashes lower until he’s looking at me through hooded eyes, the corner of his mouth lifting into a wicked grin. He leans in until his lips hover right over my ear, his breath warm on my already-flushed skin.
“You’re beautiful.” The words are a whisper, but I catch Ben’s expression from the corner of my eye as soon as they’re uttered. His eyes dart away from us immediately, like he just walked in on an intimate moment he’d rather not have seen. His hands grip the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turn white. He heard his brother loud and clear.
