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It was Jack’s.
It was me.
In my attempt to save Jack, my magic had exploded, and it had taken everything from that little boy who had risked so much, who had never known warmth and a full belly. I had tried to save him, but I didn’t have control of my magic then and I had sucked every inch of his life from him instead.
I was the monster.
Jack’s death sent me back to forty years before, when the current Ramal was a child. I spent the years training, fighting, killing. I wasted no moment in my preparation to kill the man who had hurt that little boy, to face the queen. It was Jack’s death that led me down that path to understand this power, going so far as Izyare to try to find answers from the silver tongued witches there. They were known for spells and curses, perhaps they knew something.
The only thing I learned was never to trust a witch.
Jayse didn’t know why Jack had died as he did; Jayse didn’t know anything. I should have told her, but after I saw her crying and screaming besides the shriveled burned remains of her brother. I couldn't. Not when I knew that pain, knew that loss.
We had cried together. We had built our bond from that.
A bond that was broken from the beginning.
I had always kept her at arm's reach to protect her. To keep her safe from what I was. For a fleeting moment I had thought that perhaps I could have her, could lean into whatever it was between us. I had thought I could build a life with her.
But so much of it was a lie, so much time had passed, so many lives I had nearly forgotten. It may only be ten years for Jayse, but I had lived nearly seven times that in the same time. So many lives. So many lies.
The truth hit me as hard and as fresh as it did the first time when I looked into her eyes, when I watched those tears drip like starlight down her face.
I cared for her. But could I have her if I needed to protect her.
“You’ve done enough.” She repeated again, the words nailing darkness into my soul again.
I couldn’t look at those eyes, at the sadness, and the lies that dripped between us. But I couldn’t leave her either.
Pulling her into me, I pressed her against me, her arms wrapping around me as the moon continued to rise, the orb of silver a halo over her. Over every part of her goodness. Over everything I could never be.
The monster inside of me wouldn’t let me be.
“I haven’t done everything yet,” I said, her arms tightening around me, her body tensing as though she knew what was coming.
She did, because it had been my sole focus for so long.
Because it was the one thing I truly needed to do.
I had spent those years training not just to avenge Jack, but to end the queen, after all. I had even spent years looking for her when she would have been a child. As dark as it was, ending her before her power had matured would have stopped so much heartache, but I never found her. In decades of searching royal houses, in searching Qits and villages, and even serving the young Ramal at court I never found the young Dalyah.
Then, one day she was there.
Everyone had assumed the future Ramal to marry a fine lady from the distant Kingdom of Tyral, the kingdom of salt; he had been courting her for years, after all. When the announcement was made, however, it was not the lady of the Kingdom of Tyral, but Dalyah, an unknown court lady who had never been mentioned or seen before.
It was as though she appeared from nothing but air and snagged the future Ramal overnight.
“I have one more job I must do,” I continued before Jayse could fight me, keeping her against me, even as she leaned back. She stood a head shorter than I, those wide eyes staring. Her hair twisted over her face, her heart rattling from where she was pressed against me as I pushed the long strands out of the way.
I braced to tell her, for her reaction, but she already knew what I was about to do.
“No, Caspyn. It’s too dangerous.”
“Not for me,” I lied, holding her as close to me as I could. “One job, Jayse, and then I will be home. Then we can start a life together.”
I wasn’t sure if that was another lie, or simply a hope I wasn’t ready to face. My heart clenched at saying them, my muscles tightening even as she gasped in shock, the sound sharp against the waves. Against the world I still needed to save.
“Just stay, Caspyn. We can do that now... You don’t need to…” Her warm hands pressed against my jaw, as though with one touch she could keep me there.
