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It only added to the weight that was winding through my bones.
I shook my head, darkness creeping itself back in as I closed my hand around hers, pressing soft kisses along her knuckles.
“I do,” I whispered against her skin between the kisses that were like light against the dark inside of me. “For you… for us to have a life, I must.”
How I wished I could explain what that all meant, what would be waiting for us if I failed. What was coming ever closer. Not just for her, but for us all.
She had no magic, so she might be safe, but even without magic the world that waited for her was not one I ever wanted to see again. Even if it meant I never found a way back to my sister, even if it meant I died trying.
I had always accepted that fate.
Thankfully, she nodded her head, rising on her tiptoes as I pressed her against me, those eyes bright in stars and moonlight and a world that until this moment I never thought I could have.
I never dared to think I could keep.
“I trust you, Caspyn. Just come home to me.”
The weight on my spine grew into a pressure that was hard to breathe through, but I pushed it away. I could have her. I could have this one good thing.
I kept repeating it, forcing the words to settle in my soul.
Ignoring the weight that was quickly becoming a pain, I leaned in and kissed her, her lips warm and wet and devouring even though part of me was cracking. I could be good, I could deserve goodness. I could deserve her. I could keep her. So much had already unwound in the web I had surrounded myself with, but perhaps this I could have.
Even though part of me still screamed it wasn’t possible. That something was missing. That this end was not the end I was fighting for.
Perhaps when I ended the queen, if I survived to see the other side I would find that piece. I would understand how to be good, truly good, and I could have this beautiful woman. Perhaps I could build a life.
A life, and a love, I didn’t dare to believe this world would let me have.
But somehow, right then, I wanted to take that risk. Jayse had always been worth that, hadn’t she? I had simply been too scared to lose someone else to try.
I kissed her again, savoring every touch and taste and feel of her, if only to take it with me for what I knew was coming.
If only to leave me with a tiny bit of good.
Even if I didn’t deserve it.
Chapter 12
Elara
The horns announcing Aeinya’s arrival sounded shortly before noon.
I had been picking at my porridge in my room, the Boy standing near the door, when I had heard them echoing through the city from Turin’s Gate.
Aeinya had arrived.
I raced to the turret to try to get a glimpse of them winding through the streets as they made their way to the Runturin, but I couldn’t make out much more than the tops of their flags, the colors of Spryv reflecting red and gold sparks in the bright noonday sun.
Spryv was a desert land, the people mostly nomadic warriors the Ramal used to guard the borders of Okivo and Lyran. Everyone in Spryv was trained in an old fighting style Aeinya had shown me once or twice. I had tried to mimic it, but all I did was fall on my face.
It wasn’t the highly skilled warriors that made them prized, however, it was the dyes. The flowers they grew in Spryv were unique to the desert land and the only ones that could make reds, oranges, purples, yellows, and golden dyes as rich and bright. The dyes were so expensive they were a sign of wealth and royalty in every corner of the realm. Spryv showcased their skill in reds and golds, and it was those colors I saw weaving through the streets of Turin.
Soon, the colors of all the other houses would follow, each of them heading toward the Runturin for the wedding.
The Realm of Okivo had been united by the first Ramal, seven generations before I was born. Each house within the Realm was ruled by a different family, and each of those houses were loyal to my father, the current Ramal. As they would be loyal to Batian when he took the throne and shed his name to become the next Ramal.
The House of Calyn to the west were the makers of the ships for the Ramal’s navy and brought goods from distant lands. The house of Durwyn in the south created most of the elaborate wood creations that graced the halls of all the wealthiest estates. The house of Syran were the fishers and were known by their Qits that float on the waves. Then there were Aeinya’s family in the house of Spryv, the desert dwellers who fight on dunes, spin glass, and create elaborate dyes.
