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A lone lantern flickered in the window of our home, illuminating the single room in the back that was attached to the tiny shop. The back door swung open and hinges creaked familiarly, my heavy steps a bang in the silence as I stumbled into the room. Her sharp intake of breath consumed the void.
“It’s me.”
“Caspyn?” Even she didn’t recognize me, the dark growl of the monster I hid was something I had usually shed by now.
Her eyes were wide as she stepped around the partition, the look turning to true terror when she saw me, saw the blood that clung to my leather tunic, soaked into my breaches, streaked over my cloak and face. For a moment she looked as though she was going to rush to me, but then she stepped back, her eyes dragging over everything as though for the first time she realized exactly what was hiding inside of me.
She had always known, but perhaps now she understood.
“What happened?” I didn’t miss the slight shake in her voice.
“Come with me,” I groaned, grabbing her hand before she could retreat and pulling her after me, right back out the door. Thankfully, even for all the fear and uncertainty on her face, she didn’t shy away. She held my hand tightly, each of her steps confident as we weaved through the darkened alleys, everything swaying around us.
She didn’t even ask where we were going. She trusted me, she was the only one who did.
I needed to wash, and the docks would be too full of Wave Walkers not to go unnoticed. Luckily, I knew a place. It didn’t take her long before she realized where, exactly, I was going.
“You do know we won’t fit under the Qit anymore, right? We outgrew that space before you turned fourteen.” She was right of course; it was about then we realized we needed to start saving for our own place. It was about then that other things had happened, too. I realized I could make money by using my power in a different way than to steal bangles and pocket books from passersby’s.
“I know,” I said, that hard edge leaving as we reached the edge of the Qit, the waves lapping against the edge of the city. This part of the Qit was empty, the silence stretching out into the night as we stood, her hand still in mine as we faced the rising moon. The orb of gold-flecked silver rose slowly, kissing the edge of the world. Its gentle touch caressed the waves that reflected the silver glow of moon and stars so we faced only the inky nothing, the spots of silver and white twinkling far away. So far I could never hope to reach it, to capture it, no matter how familiar it was. It was as though I was touching another world I would never get to return to, even if I did save it.
“Yersua figured out I killed his brother.” The air rippled around Jayse as she stiffened, her red hair glinting in the moonlight as she turned to me, her grey eyes wide.
“I can’t kill Fae anymore, Jayse. I doubt I can take any more jobs after this, either.” Saying it tugged painfully at something deep inside of me, something I hadn’t expected. It was a burn like the fire I held deep inside, with all of that darkness where all the pain and anger lived. The burn was so hot it was akin to the ice that lived right beside it. The burn boiled and ground against my chest, as though I was losing something greater than all of that.
But not yet.
Not yet.
Jayse’s hand tightened around mine and she exhaled with a sound as though she had been holding the wind in her mouth.
“Finally,” the word was full of relief and I turned, her eyes bright. My jaw tightened in confusion.
“Finally?” I would have dropped her hand if she wasn’t holding on to it so tightly.
“Yes, finally,” she laughed, the sound light and sweet as the Qit rocked, the stars dancing alongside the song of her joy. “Did you expect me to be mad? I would never be mad for you to be done with that life. If you are worried about the money, don’t be, the shops’ been bringing in enough for us to live by for years. We won’t be wealthy, but we don’t need to be. We’ve always had enough, even when we had nothing.”
She was smiling, her eyes dancing alongside the stars. She squeezed my hand again, my jaw relaxing for the first time in what felt like days.
“I am glad you are alive though,” she finished, her free hand wrapping around my other as she pulled me to face her, both of us standing there at the edge of the world. The sea breeze whipped around us, pulling her hair around her as my curls brushed against my chin, my cloak whipping into the black nothing that surrounded us.
“So, am I,” I whispered, forcing the words out. Surprised at how soft they were, at how that darkness had left.
“Besides, you have avenged him enough.” Her hands entwined with mine, the stars reflecting in her eyes as tears filled them, memories dancing between us. That burn in my chest twisted into something toxic as I realized exactly what she was talking about.
About why she thought I killed as much as I did.
All of the peace I had found vanished quicker than it came, the tension winding through my shoulders again. I had thought she understood, but it almost seemed as though she didn’t understand at all.
“Jack.” The grind in my voice had returned, but this time she didn’t seem to mind.
“You killed that wicked man after he burned my brother, and you have ended every other person who worked in that child slavery ring. You ended them. You did that for me, and for Jack. Yersua was the last piece of that. You avenged him, Caspyn. Jack didn’t die for nothing. You’ve done enough.”
Jack. Jack.
Every time she said his name it was like something stabbed into that blackest pit of my soul. Chipping away at the lie I had fed her.
Her brother. That brave, frightened boy I had met on the very first day. He had been taken by Yersua’s brother, that was true. It was because of what that man had done to Jack that I had killed him. But it wasn’t Yersua’s brother who had killed Jack. It wasn’t the brother’s time I had taken to end him.
