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I feel crushed and defeated. I feel as though life is not worth living anymore.
I have a choice at this moment.
I can crumble. I can fall to my knees and break apart with her.
I can let my mind rot and my body decay.
Or I can turn off every emotion. I can go fully numb. Properly and entirely numb.
I choose to keep standing, but I make a vow to myself.
I will never let myself love anyone again. Not ever. Not in this life and not in the next. Not if love leads to pain like this.
I roll the stem of the rose I am holding between my fingers, feeling the thorns bite into my skin. I roll harder and feel the pierce of pain.
When I look down at my hand, thin trails of blood are running off my fingers and dripping, mixed with the rain, down into the soil.
I lift my arm, holding the rose over her grave. Then I let it go and watched it fall in slow motion onto her casket.
I have no words to say. No more promises to make. It's too late for that. She's gone and I will never hear her musical laugh or see her beautiful, gentle smile again.
My heart turns to stone as the rain beats against the rose petals.
The sky above me grows darker and colder.
When the clouds drift away in the wind and the stars begin to shine in the clear night sky, I finally find that I can move my feet.
It takes everything to turn away from her grave, and it takes even more to walk towards the car.
With each step I take I close off that little bit more.
I won't make that mistake again.
I won't fall in love.
I won't open my heart.
I won't let myself feel this broken.
AMELIA
He is sitting across from me and even though the years have kept me safe from him, right now I am directly in his line of sight and it's as though all my effort to escape him was a waste. I chew the inside of my cheek, a nervous habit. My hands twist in my lap. My legs are bouncing with excess energy.
"Would you like a cup of coffee?" Stefano asks, raising his hand in the air to call the waitress.
"No," I reply curtly.
The young girl arrives next to us, smiling warmly.
"Hi, Amelia." She says cheerfully.
"Hi, Vicky," I say, trying to force a smile onto my face and knowing how awkward I must look. I just hope she doesn't notice. I don't need her asking questions.
"Amelia will have a coffee," Stefano says.
"And would you like a refill?" She asks him.
"Yes." He replies, lifting his cup to drain the last of the coffee from it.
