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My phone rings so I pull it out of my back pocket.
"Hi, Mom. Are you with her?"
"Yes honey, I'm here. Did the doctor tell you anything? Did the results come back?" She asks with the same nervous excitement I had before he let me know.
"No one is a match, Mom. She's gone onto the donor list. The doctor suggested I start contacting her father's side of the family."
The heavy sigh that comes drifting through the phone is a replica of how I feel about it.
"Are you going to call him?"
"I thought I'd rather start with his cousins. Maybe get lucky without having to involve him in anything."
"You do whatever you have to do, sweetheart. You will find a way. I know you will."
I smile with a heavy heart. My parents have been so supportive through all of this. They have been here for me every step of the way and I don't know how I would have survived without them.
"I have to get to work but I'll stop in when I have a break."
"I'll grab some lunch for you. You're getting so skinny it's not healthy. I'll have something ready for you here with me so that when you visit you can eat something decent."
"Thanks, Mom. Love you."
For the drive back to the hospital I am fighting that bone aching exhaustion. I need to go into surgery now and be alert and focused.
Luckily when I step through the operating room doors something in me snaps and I shut down all my emotions which allows me to be a fucking damn good OR nurse.
I park in my usual spot and carry my bags into the hospital. In the foyer, I smile at the lady standing behind the counter at the cafe.
"The usual?" She says cheerfully.
"Yes, please, but a double."
"Alright. I'll add an extra bit of salted caramel for you too."
I smile and lean on the counter waiting for my order.
She's always quick and in no time at all she hands me a hot takeaway cup.
"One salted caramel cappuccino with a double shot of expresso."
I step forward and pick up my coffee. "Thanks, Willow."
"Wait, you didn't tell me how Elena is today? Did those results come back?"
"They did. No one was a match, so we are just going to have to keep looking."
Willow smiles tightly. "I'm sorry to hear that, but I know you'll find the right person soon."
I nod, sipping my coffee.
"I'll see you later." I wave as I walk away.
In the locker room, a few other nurses are prepping for surgery.
I have operating room six in an hour, and I need to go prep my patient.
I hurry to put my scrubs on and finish my coffee, knowing that it's silly to drink coffee right before going into surgery because you can't leave halfway through to pee.
