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I bite my lip. I knew that if no one in my family was a match this would be something I would need to face. Reaching out and making any contact with Stefano's family.
"Do you want the hospital to call him on your behalf?''
"No," I say quickly. "No, I'll start making contact with people in his family."
"I'm really sorry, Amelia. I know we were hoping for better news. But it isn't over yet. We are not giving up ok."
"I know." I walk back towards my daughter's bedside and take her little hand in mine. The tubes in her nose and the drip in her arm cause an ache in my heart that I can't just push away. This is not the life I wanted for her.
The doctor quietly leaves me in my thoughts, because he has nothing more to add, nothing that can save my daughter's life at this moment.
I don't want to start contacting his family.
We have managed to stay hidden from Stefano for six years and the risk of opening that doorway and having the conversation I need to have with his relatives is massive.
But it's one I will take. I will do anything to save her life. Anything.
She is my entire world.
I have already spent many hours thinking about how I would do this if the time came.
I will start contacting his distant relatives first. Perhaps cousins or family he isn't even in contact with.
I'll work my way in from there. The only problem is that Elena really doesn't have a lot of time. She is getting weaker by the day and the risk is getting worse for her. She needs the transplant now.
But, at least for now, Stefano doesn't have to be aware of anything that is going on.
I glance at the clock on the wall and pull my mouth tight. I have to get home, shower, change, and get ready for work.
It's five in the morning and I've been here all night.
My mother will be on her way here now to sit with Elena during the day while I'm working.
At least I will be in the same building. I never did get my business degree. I studied nursing and took a job here. I work in the OR, assisting doctors in surgery. It's not something I ever dreamed I would end up doing, but I do love my job.
I lean over the bed and gently kiss Elena's pale, soft cheek.
"I'll come and visit at lunchtime, baby girl," I whisper.
I hurry out because I can't be late for work. I've been late too many times and I know people understand that I am struggling, but I also have a job to do. I have to keep it.
Driving home I am in a daze. In fact, I think I have been in a daze ever since I found out that my little girl was sick. It seemed so unfair. Like a curse that life had given her for no reason. She didn't deserve this.
She didn't deserve to grow up without a warm, loving father figure and she definitely didn't deserve to be sick like this.
I cover my mouth to hide a yawn as I unlock the door to my apartment. Every day I feel more tired than the last. The exhaustion seems to have settled into my bones and taken over my entire body. I practically live at the hospital because if I'm not working, I'm with my daughter, sitting by her side, reading her stories or telling her about my day.
My apartment is dark and empty. It doesn't feel like home. It's cold and uninviting.
I walk straight through to the bathroom and flick on the shower.
The hot water streams over my tired body but it doesn't relax me. I think the tension is knotted so deep in my muscles that it would take a miracle to ease it away.
I get dressed and grab my work bag. On the way past the kitchen, I open the fridge and stare at the empty shelves.
"An apple it is then," I mutter to myself, pulling an apple from the bottom drawer and hoping it isn't bruised and aged. But even if it is - at least it's something.
I'll grab a coffee in the cafe downstairs at the hospital.
