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19
Now…
It took three days for me to realize maybe I needed to slow things down with Lorenzo, because he had me doing stuff I just didn’t do. I’d gone to that man’s house the second after we signed the divorce papers and basically handed my vagina to him on a silver platter with all the trimmings…repeatedly. I didn’t sleep with Robert for months after we started dating. Months. And it wasn’t like Zo and I were getting to know each other better by spending all this time together. For three days straight I’d only been three places: work, home to grab some clothes, and Zo’s house. And we’d basically done nothing but have sex—hot, steamy, intense, wonderful, incredible, and as Nicky would put it, nasty, sex. In between the sex, we talked about how good the sex was, which led to more sex. Or we’d eat something because we were famished from the sex. Or we’d take a shower to clean up after the sex and end up having sex in the shower. Or we’d sleep because we were exhausted from sex. But we didn’t have even one real conversation about anything else. Nothing else. Not my job or his writing or our respective families, but I knew his body like I knew the back of my hand—his tall, thick, solid, big-penised body. Zo was muscular, but not in a chiseled, everybody’s man crush Monday way. His body looked like he’d once worked out religiously but had stopped. He was still fit, still fine, but his muscles weren’t overly defined. See, I can’t even stay on topic. I was supposed to be talking about how we were moving too fast, but Lorenzo just had this weird effect on me.
I sat in my office and stared at the third bouquet of flowers he’d sent me in as many days. Wild flowers.
Wild.
That’s how I felt around him. Carefree, spontaneous, and wild, all words that would’ve never accurately described me before him. Oh, and sexy. Very, very sexy. No woman could be touched the way he touched me, or be told the things he told me during sex, or have his eyes drink them in like his did me and not feel sexy. A supermodel didn’t have shit on my size eighteen ass when I was in Lorenzo’s presence.
Of course I didn’t want to put any distance between us but felt like I needed to, especially since on the third night I spent with him, he mentioned us having dinner with his mother.
His mother.
I’d hated Robert’s mother, because she’d openly said she fully expected her son to marry someone much lighter skinned than me. And throughout our marriage, she doted on his brother, Ken’s, biracial (white and Chinese) wife and their tri-racial children. At one point, during the height of my fertility issues, she suggested we “borrow” some eggs from Ken’s wife, Amy, so she would be assured another pretty grandbaby. I remember wanting to scream at her that her son was the ugly one, and hell, if we were real about the situation, I was taking a chance on having an ugly baby. My lineage was full of gorgeous people. My parents, my sisters, and me. I’d been called a lot of things in my life, but ugly was not one of them.
Anyway, despite my misgivings about mothers-in-law, I was sure Lorenzo’s mother would not be the supreme bitch Alice Mattison was to have raised a man like him. My major concern was what a request like this meant about his frame of mind considering our fledgling, totally sexual relationship. Men don’t want you to meet their mothers unless they’re serious. Zo was obviously serious about me, a woman whose divorce was less than a week old. He didn’t even know my address or my middle name, and he was serious about me. And that scared me to death.
So I panicked. And for the next two days and two nights, I pretended to be swamped at work and too tired to see him. Well, work was hectic, but I definitely wasn’t too tired for him. I even missed him, but I really thought this was the best thing to do.
*****
Another day of my self-imposed exile from Lorenzo had passed when Janine’s voice sounded through the intercom in my office. “Renee, there’s a gentleman here to see you. He won’t tell me what it’s about, but he says it’s urgent.” She lowered her voice, and added, “It’s a big guy in a suit.”
“Send him in,” I said without hesitation, feeling a little anxious and excited at the same time. I wanted to see him, touch him, feel him, but I still felt we were moving too fast.
“Um, okay.” I could hear the curiosity practically oozing out of Janine, but I wasn’t ready to share Lorenzo with her. I didn’t even know what was going on with us. Could you really call what we had a relationship?
There was a light knock at my door, and then it eased open to reveal Lorenzo looking so fine I just leaned back in my chair behind my desk and stared at him. My yoni started pulsating and flooding as I took in the navy suit that had obviously been tailor made for his big beautiful body.
He closed the door behind him, and I looked up into his eyes. He looked…confused.
“Hey, Zo,” I said softly.
He was still standing by the door as he asked, “What’s going on with you?” I guess he wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries.
“You wanna have a seat?”
“No, Doc, I want you to answer my question.”
“What are you talking about?”
He reached up and placed his hand on the back of his head. “Look, I know I said I like playing games, but the games have to make sense. You came to me, said you wanted me, and then you backed away from me for no reason.”
“That’s not what I did. I told you things have been hectic and I’ve just been tired.”
“Yeah, well…I don’t believe that. Didn’t believe it when you first said it, and now, looking at you while you say it, I know it’s not true. So tell me the truth.”
He sounded upset. He was upset, and if I was him, I probably would’ve been, too. And I guess I forgot about how horrible a liar I was. So I sighed, dropped my eyes to my desk, and said, “I’m scared.”
My eyes rose in time to see him furrow his brow. “Of me, Doc?”
I shook my head. “Of making a mistake. I just got out of a horrible marriage, Zo.”
“I know, baby. But I’m not him.”
“I know that, but…I mean, all we do is have sex.”
