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“She was my junior A coach’s wife.”
Shit.
“The billet family that took me in? The dad got real sick after a few weeks and they couldn’t commit any more. He actually ended up dyin’ about a month later. The league tried, but there wasn’t another family who could house me. So, the coach of the Blades agreed to take me in, even though they didn’t normally do that and it was highly frowned upon. It was that or I went back home, and he said I was too talented for him to let that happen.”
Ryan felt him tense up, so he squeezed him tighter.
“Beginning of the season, one of the assistant coaches had a pool party at his house for all the players. She came there with us, and I just remember her watchin’ me the entire fuckin’ day, man. Like, every time I looked at her, she was lookin’ right back at me. And she was a fuckin’ smokeshow, Rook. Had this tight little body with this tiny ass purple bikini on, barely covered shit. Massive fake cans. All us idiots were hard as fuck watchin’ her strut around all day. She knew what she was doin’.”
“How old was she?”
“Thirty-six. Anyway, her husband went somewhere, and so when it was time to leave, it was just me and her.” He sighed, taking a deep breath.
Hayes felt crazy saying this out loud; he never had before and saying it out loud made it real. Hayes had often wondered if he’d imagined it, exaggerated it, maybe gotten fantasy confused with reality at some point.
But he hadn’t.
It was real.
“She talked to me the whole ride home. It started with her askin’ if I liked her bathin’ suit, if I noticed her watchin’ me, shit like that. Then it took a sharp turn, man. She told me she saw my dick was hard all day and that she liked it, asked if it was hard because of her. Then she asked if I’d ever had sex before. I’d never even kissed a girl at that point…nah, I lied. I’d tried to kiss this chick who lived two trailers down, but it was so goddamn awkward that I gave up. Our teeth kept bumpin’ and shit. It was a disaster…I didn’t know what I was doin’ and neither did she.”
Ryan noticed Hayes was rambling, but in a semi-calm way. He figured the oxy was kicking in, which, as much as Ryan hated it, might have been a good thing for him at this moment.
“When we got back to their house, she took me down to the basement and had her fuckin’ way with me on their pool table. Jerked me off while I sucked on her tits, then blew me. She made me cum twice before we even had sex. Said I had to so I could last longer for her. I didn’t know what the fuck was happenin’. She was ridin’ me and started makin’ all these noises like she was in pain. I got scared, man. I thought I was hurtin’ her. I tried to stop, but she kept going. Then I realized she was comin’. She told me, ‘You’re such a good boy for me, Tyler’ while she came all over my dick, Rook. That’s how I lost my virginity.”
He stopped talking for a bit, sickened with himself for getting hard.
Ryan didn’t know what to say, so he just held onto him.
Hayes continued. “Told me she couldn’t help herself, that I’d clearly been given this big dick to please women, like it was my fault or somethin’.”
He paused for a moment, giving a hat tip to irony as he stood wrapped naked and wet in the arms of the man with whom he was madly in love.
So much for that theory.
“How the fuck could she say that to a kid?” Ryan asked, anger rising within him. He thought back to his own experience losing his virginity, and while he’d technically been legal, that woman had absolutely no right doing what she’d done to him either.
“She fucked me a few times a week after that, Rook. Taught me everything. And I knew it was wrong, but she told me he cheated on her all the time, so I sorta justified it that way. I wanted to stop so bad, but I couldn’t. We never got caught either. She even told me…” he snickered. “Fuckin’ told me she didn’t want me datin’ any other girls because she loved me, that we’d be together for real someday.
“And I believed her like a dumbass, so I didn’t. Then, when I got drafted by Barrie at the end of the season to play major juniors, that was it. Rook, she didn’t even say goodbye to me when I left. I…never saw her again. Heard through the grapevine she got locked up for bangin’ a 14-year-old a few months later.”
“Hayes…” Ryan said softly. But he hadn’t the first clue what to follow it up with.
“So, that’s why I hate that praise shit, OK? I don’t wanna be told I’m good. I’m the farthest…fuckin’ thing from good there is. You ever wonder why I’m so obsessed with older chicks, why I went on to fuck around with two billet moms while playin’ for the Colts until one of their coaches had to take me in or my hockey career would’ve been over? That’s why. They don’t tell you this shit when you sign up to leave home as a child, man. No one reads you the fine print.
“You’re the only person I’ve ever told, and I think it’s because you’re one of the only people who’s never…you’ve never treated me like an object, Rook. I’m not just some thing that exists for your enjoyment. You see me for me. All of me. And when you tell me you love me, I know you mean it. I’ve never…had that before. With anyone. She even made me hate my own fuckin’ name, Rook. That bitch broke me.”
“No, she didn’t. You’re so tough and far from broken. You’re one of the strongest motherfuckers I know, baby.”
Hayes scoffed, running his fingers along Ryan’s forearms, which were still wrapped around him. Hayes may have been strong, but when you’ve had to be strong for as long as he’d had to be, there eventually came a breaking point.
And he knew, as did Ryan, that he’d reached it.
???
“Got everything?” Ryan asked, bags in hand, as they did a once-over on the suite before heading to the airport to catch their flight back to New York. Bridgeport had a home game the following day, so Ryan had to get back for today’s afternoon practice. Hayes figured he’d fly home with him instead of with the team since they had a three-day break coming up for Thanksgiving.
“Think so,” Hayes mumbled, feeling like he’d been hit by a train. He’d just popped a few more oxys and was waiting for them to kick in, but his body had already begun to experience withdrawal. This had been happening more and more lately, causing him to increase the amount of pills he took. As always, he made sure to take them out of Ryan’s sight to avoid getting the third degree.
