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But it’s too late. “Sorry,” she whispers, “sorry!”
And this time she runs out for good.
16
BRINLEE
What am I doing?
I plotted for myself a routine, a plan to avoid Sawyer and the handsome pack I met outside the shelter—and my steps led me right back to the Book Café, only to find all of them here.
Is it just my luck?
No, it’s as if I lost control, snapped my strings, smashed my plan, and instinctively sought them out.
Which is a big mistake.
And now… now I feel crushed.
That reminds me that I left the book Sawyer gave me. Damn. And I was dying to read it.
Then again, it’s probably for the best. Accepting gifts and running away is rude. I mean… God, it was the fantasy romance I’ve wanted to read for ages, and hearing Sawyer discussing it in the book club only made me want it more. But… money. Buying books costs, and right now I can’t afford the pretty paperback I crave.
It was right there, in my hands.
And I left it behind.
Priorities, Brin, I remind myself. And ethics. You can’t accept gifts from handsome men you don’t intend to hang out with.
Not that I wouldn’t want to. It just won’t work out.
Trust me on this.
My life is a mess. I’m not a catch, and Sawyer and the handsome pack spending time in his café will realize that sooner or later. I’d rather they don’t find out more about me. Leave them with the illusion that I’m someone worth talking to, worth looking at the way Sawyer was looking at me just now.
Besides, that pack and the way they were gazing at Sawyer? There’s a spark there, and I should leave them to it. They were waiting for me to go, so they would talk to him. Court him, probably. He is, after all, an omega, and a successful man, with his own business, his interests, and hobbies.
What would I have to offer any of them? Nothing.
And I knew it when I entered the café today, just like I knew it every time I visited, and when I attended the book club just for the pleasure of seeing Sawyer and hearing him speak.
I’m pathetic.
As I step outside, onto the sidewalk, my heart aches. And as I walk away, I slow down and glance over my shoulder, somehow hoping Sawyer will come out, call me back.
Oh God, stop it, Brin.
After all, I was the rude one, walking out on him. I may have my reasons, but he doesn’t know them. He must think I’m a horrible person.
That… that breaks my heart a bit more. Because I don’t want him to think badly of me. Yet I don’t know how else to behave to stop myself from throwing myself at him, from wanting things I just can’t have.
I’ve always used distance to convince myself I don’t need anything from anyone.
I’ve always pushed people away to avoid getting hurt.
Now you’re an adult. Shouldn’t you find better ways to cope and deal with other people?
I guess. But guess what? Not much has changed. I’m still the unwanted child who has no place among the beautiful, happy people. I’m still the girl who can’t hope for a relationship because she isn’t who people think she is, because she’s not good enough, because she’s not worth it.
