AllFreeNovel
Share Us
What the hell do I do now?
32
BRINLEE
Ican’t believe it.
He’s going to meet another pack today? And choose one by next week? This is the guy I allowed into my bed, into my life, feeling hopeful for the first time in ages? Thinking that I could open up to him, that I could trust him, that this could go somewhere?
I refuse to cry. It’s all my fault. I’m an idiot, apparently. Falling for him over the months, falling hard, and crushing on that other pack, only to find out Sawyer is hiding secrets.
Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he? He owes me nothing. I barely know him.
Not to mention I’m hiding my own secrets, and I told myself even last night that nothing could happen between me and any guy. Not even these four guys I can’t stop thinking and fantasizing about.
So why am I so mad at Sawyer? He didn’t promise me anything. He wasn’t even the one who asked to stay, that was me. I begged him to stay. Begged him to undress me, touch me, kiss me. Go down on me. Then fuck me.
It was good.
Stop mincing words, Brin. It was incredible.
But now you’re mad at him? Double standards, much? It was okay to hide your secret from him, from them, the reason why you can’t be with anyone—but him not being able to be with you, that’s treason, is it?
Some tears slip down my cheeks anyway, because for a moment there I had started to believe… to believe we could find a way.
And then what? What about the debts? What about your past? What about your brother?
What about being a pole dancer in a seedy club, an orphan without a penny to your name? And you’re not even an omega.
I’m not enough.
Never was.
“Brinlee?” He’s back, standing at my bedroom door, fully dressed, and I can’t face him. I don’t even dare wipe my cheeks in case he realizes I’m crying. Hiding in the dimness of my room, I swallow more tears. “I’m going. Unless…”
Unless what? What does he want from me?
But he seems to take my silence as a reply because he nods, tousled and flushed, and God, so handsome, and sighs. “I just wanted to say… I don’t want to go meet that pack tonight, for what it’s worth.”
He is going, though, anyway.
And in the end, that’s what matters.
I go through the motions like a zombie. I never expected this to hit me this hard—this flash of hope, snuffed out so fast.
At least he was honest in the end, I tell myself. Right at the end of the night, not even waiting another day and more sex before breaking it off.
Breaking off whatever that was.
Nothing, I remind myself. There was nothing to break off. You only had a hot night with a hot guy, that was all. And if he was your first real sex buddy, well… too bad.
Yeah, I never went that far with anyone before. Working in a strip club is a recent development. It’s not my usual scene. I’ve led a quiet life, keeping mostly to myself. Working hard. Worrying daily about money, about lodgings, about my brother. About everything.
There wasn’t much time and energy left to think about boys and sex.
As if I have the time and energy now? No, it was just… that feeling. That we fit together so well. That he and I and the McGraw pack fit together nicely. The scents. The faces. The bodies.
But what do I know about any of them? Nothing.
