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It doesn’t go. Sometimes it’s less and since I ate that leaf that Provyd gave me it has been less more than not, but it’s not gone It’s never gone. Every time I move my mouth it aches. It also itches, a lot.
“Mm-hmm,” he murmurs, inspecting the scars. “I’m not surprised. The damage is in the muscles too. It does seem to be healing, but the process is long and slow as your body tries to rebuild. The scar tissue will be a long term issue.”
“I know,” I mutter.
“We don’t have much in the way of painkillers that I can give you. Have you been soaking your face in the saline solution to try and keep the elasticity?”
“Yes,” I lie again.
I did that when he first suggested it, but it did nothing. I truly don’t think he knows what he’s talking about and is just offering any old thing to try and make himself feel like he’s helping. Which is fine but I know the truth. There is no help.
“Good,” he says, poking at my jaw and pressing until I grimace from the pain. “I wish I could do more for you. On the ship this would have been done by now, but here, with me…”
“I know,” I say.
What else can I say? He feels bad and he’s doing his best. We all are. I’m just the unfortunate fool that this happened to.
“Okay, well I’ll see you again in two weeks, okay?”
“Sure,” I agree.
“Keep up the saline baths. Work the muscles the best you can too, it will help keep the elasticity in your tendons the more you can.”
I nod, pulling my hair back over my face. He watches as I do, frowning. Judging. I don’t care. Let him judge, he doesn’t have to see the way they look at me. See them recoil in shock at the sight of the horror that my face has become.
I leave the medical area behind and head for my room. I’ve got hours until my next shift. Hours in which other people might go out and mingle. Do something fun with friends, but I have no friends. No one to mingle with. No one I want to see me. I’ll do what I always do. Wait for time to slip by while staring at my ceiling.
I manage to make it to my door without anyone seeing me or reacting, which is the only blessing I hope for these days. Something sparkles on the door. I stare at it, trying to figure out what I’m looking at. There is a long string that looks as if it’s leather and attached to it is what must be a gem.
I look to either side but don’t see anyone else in the hallway. I take hold of the string and lift. The gem spins catching the light and sparkling even more. It’s beautiful. Almost clear, like glass, or maybe a diamond. It has dozens of facets that refract every ray of light sending them bouncing off as tiny rainbows. It twists back and forth as it sways side-to-side.
“Who?” I ask aloud.
I look both ways again and at the end of the hall I catch someone pulling back around the corner. I frown staring at the offending corner. Who?
I lift the leather string off the hook it rests on and then walk down the hall, holding it at arm's length in front of myself letting it sparkle and dazzle. It’s beautiful, but who would leave it on my door? It must be a mistake. I don’t know who it should go to, but it cannot be me. No one would give me something like this.
I turn the corner and Provyd is there, pressed against the wall. He has a broad smile on his face. Such a handsome face. Strong jaw, wide nose, his lips are a little thin, but not overly so. A face I could admire, if it didn’t serve to remind me of the wreck that is my own.
“Oh, hello,” he says, raising one hand and waving in a thoroughly human way.
“You?” I ask, lifting the gem between us.
My voice is raspy. When did my throat become so dry? I clear my throat, looking up and through my hair.
“Like? You?”
I frown thinking through the phrasing of what he’s saying.
“It is pretty,” I say.
“Pretty. Yes. Good. Yours.”
“No.”
His smile fades into a frown which pulls his horns down on his forehead which furrows as he does. I like it. Stupid thought. I have no right to have an interest in him. How could he or anyone be interested in me? I thrust the gem at him, wanting him to take it so I can go to my room and get away from these feelings. He raises his hands with his palms towards me and takes a step back.
“No. Yours. Keep.”
