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“No,” I shake my head. “Not me.”
“Take walk me?” he asks.
“What?” I ask.
Surprise has me completely out of sorts. I look up without thinking and my hair falls to the side leaving me exposed. It all happens too fast. He reaches forward, his hand is approaching my face, but I don’t stop him. Then his fingers trace along the scars.
“Take it!” I gasp, leaping back, dropping my head, pulling my hair over, and throwing the necklace at him.
My breath is ragged, matching the irregular beating of my heart. My head hurts, my eyes throb with building pressure, and all I want to do is get away, but for some reason that I don’t understand I stay.
He slowly crouches and grabs the necklace from where it fell to the floor. He turns it over and over in his hand, staring at it with his head bowed. He whispers something but it’s in his language and I don’t understand it.
He nods his head, to himself I assume since nothing was spoken by either of us. He takes a deep breath and when he does it makes his wings rustle with a raspy sound like leather being smoothed. He exhales slowly then looks up at me.
“I sorry,” he says, in his broken Common. He places one hand against his chest. “I wrong.”
Still moving slowly he rises to his feet, bows to me, then turns and walks away.
This isn’t right. He’s supposed to be angry. Mad. He’s supposed to leave, yes, but leave mad. Leave knowing that I am not someone he wants to know. That I am meant to be alone. Each shuffling step he takes echoes inside my chest like a giant drum is thundering. My eyes hurt worse than ever, the pressure so great it feels as if they might burst from their sockets.
“Wait.”
I don’t mean to say it. I didn’t expect the word or the command. Didn’t think about it. It came out and now it's here. What now? He stops and turns back, but his head is still bowed.
“Prov—” I try to say but my throat spasms and I can’t finish. I shake my head, wave my hands, tremble, and then try again. “Provyd. It is pretty.”
He raises the fist that clenches the necklace. The gem twists and turns on its length of leather, refracting the light and casting rainbows around itself.
“Yours?” he asks, moving his arm only a few inches towards me.
He’s being cautious. No, not cautious, gentle. Warmth suffuses my belly, rushing through my limbs and making me gasp.
“Please?” I ask, choking on unshed tears making my voice squeak.
He extends his arm further but hesitates to come closer. It takes an effort of will to make my foot move but finally it obeys and slides one step closer, Then I do the next one, then I’m reaching for the gem.
My hand brushes against his as I take it. A shock sparks between us as we contact. His scales are cool to the touch but they ignite a fire in my skin the likes of which I have never felt. I gasp as it happens and he does too. For a moment my hair drifts and our eyes meet.
He has beautiful eyes. Kind eyes. Staring into them I do not see pity or sympathy, but I do see something else. Kindness? That’s not it, it’s something though. A fiery burning something. He drops the gem into my extended hand and as the miniscule weight of it lands on my palm the moment breaks.
I take a step back at the same time he does.
“Thank you,” I whisper and take another step back.
He nods, silent. I take another step then another. The moment is more than over, I need to leave. I step around the corner, anxiously waiting to see if he follows as I continue backpedaling to my room.
Only when the door slides shut behind me does the tension ease. And then there is no stopping the tears.
7
KAI
Why? Why did I do that? Why did he touch me?
My thoughts see-saw back and forth between disgust and anger. Disgust at myself is primary. Hate for what I’ve become. Mostly I bury my feelings about it, drift through the days waiting. Waiting but never considering what it is I’m waiting for. That path is too depressing to give attention to.
Because in the end, this will never end. I’m scarred. For life. There is no fixing it and no reprieve is possible. I am, and always will be, ugly. Deformed. An atrocity that is only worthy of pity from others.
