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After my freak-out-fest at Ben’s parents’ house, the guilt of having shouted curses at them was giving me heartburn. So, I sent them a bouquet of daisies with a note telling them how mortified I was.
“It was a bad moment. I think we can just forget it and move on.”
“Still, I’m very sorry. And how are you feeling today? Both of you doing all right?” Mrs. Gerhard runs her eyes over us, probably ready to have a conniption if there’s even a paper cut visible.
“We’re fine, Mom. You’re going to need to calm down. You can’t keep up this level of frantic for the next however many hours.”
We both told our family members that they didn’t have to show up at the appointment time. There’s checking in, then surgery prep, and then the actual surgery, which normally takes a few hours. So, they could easily be sitting here for close to an entire workday. Showing up in time for the recovery process would’ve been fine.
All of them chose to ignore us.
After checking in, I make sure to introduce Pops to Ben’s parents. When they start telling my dad how he raised a “miracle for a daughter,” I hide my blushing face in Ben’s chest. His hand cups the back of my head, and I enjoy the rumble of his laughter at my embarrassment. The familiar, spicy pine scent of Ben’s soap helps to ease some of my nerves. If only I could stay here forever.
But, a short ten minutes later, Ben and I are called back. I try to ignore the fact that Mrs. Gerhard is crying as I give my brother and father quick hugs.
“Next time you see me, I’ll be anesthetized, so it’s your job to make sure I don’t say anything crazy.”
They both smile with affection, and Marcus musses my hair.
“See you soon, sis.”
“You ready, Holly?” Ben stands beside me, reaching out his hand.
I know, when I walk through those doors, I’ll be putting myself in a dangerous situation. There are the needles that terrify me, but more than that, there’s the surgery. It isn’t an uncommon procedure, and the newer laparoscopic technique means I’ll only be getting three small incisions instead of one large one. But it’s still surgery. I’ll be under anesthesia for the first time, trusting these people to keep me alive as they remove one of my organs.
To cover my fear, I paste on an overly enthusiastic grin.
“You bet I am.” I grab Ben’s hand and march us forward. “Let’s get you a kidney!”
BEN
After I’m prepped for surgery, I get to see Holly one last time.
They wheel my bed out into a wide hallway, arranging the foot of mine against hers, so we face each other. Like me, Holly has on a pale blue hospital gown and a surgical hat that looks like something you’d wear in the shower to keep your hair dry.
And there’s a needle in her arm.
“How are you doing?” My voice comes out strained.
She looks small, barely taking up any room on her bed.
Why haven’t I ever noticed how tiny she is before?
There’s no way her kidney can be big enough for me.
How can these idiot doctors think it’s okay to cut into such a delicate body?
“I’m good. Ready to go.”
“Even with the—”
She cuts me off with a firm shake of her head. “Let’s not talk about what might or might not be sticking in my arms right now.” I watch her breathe in deep and then slowly let the air out. “Besides, I’ve been practicing.”
“Practicing?”
“Yeah. I’ve been visualizing it happening. Working on meditating during it. Watched a bunch of YouTube videos just to get used to the sight of it in a neutral setting. Even practiced holding some needles that Dr. Williams gave me. It’s helped.” Her triumphant smile shines out, glorious in this depressing setting.
Still, this situation is freaking me out.
