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When he showed up at Pops’s house this morning, all he gave me was a kiss on the cheek and a tight smile. I spent the whole drive over trying to figure out how to explain all the thinking I’d been doing. How to apologize for letting the issues in my past affect how I see him. You’d think, after having a week to work it all out, I would’ve found the right words at some point. But, whenever I went to open my mouth, nothing came out.
Ben just stared out the window, his knee bouncing and his hand scratching the back of his neck. So, the car ride was silent.
Now, his eyes are distant, as if watching a scene playing only for him.
This can’t be how we go into this thing.
I stop walking, digging my heels into the concrete. When Ben reaches the end of our arm lengths, I hold him in place, and he stumbles to a stop, glancing around, confused, like he’s waking up from a heavy dream.
“What—Holly, what’s wrong?”
“You looked like you were going catatonic on me. Also”—I raise our joined hands and see my fingers have started turning white—“this has morphed from a reassuring hold to a ninja death grip.”
His hold immediately loosens, and he looks ashamed as he massages my digits back to life. “God, I’m sorry.”
“Name’s Holly. You must really be out of it.” My lame joke earns me the barest hint of a smile. But I’ll take it. We’re alone in the garage at the moment, so I step in close to Ben, crowding him before his mind can retreat again.
“Kiss me.” It’s been so long, and if I can’t explain what’s changed in my mind, maybe I can show him.
“What?”
When I see the shock on his face, I realize something.
Ben thought we were over.
I can’t blame him. The only message I sent him since he stormed out of my dad’s house was a quick, Merry Christmas. Why wouldn’t he think I decided to end things permanently?
Clearly, I need to correct him.
“Here. Like this.” My hands slide up his chest to wrap around his neck. I rise up on my toes, pressing my body fully against his as I draw his mouth down to mine.
Then, I ravish him.
The kiss is heady and passionate. I show him how far we are from being over by worshipping him with my lips.
With an agonized groan, his hands dig into my backside, so he can pull me closer.
I missed the feel of him. Solid, warm, and comforting but also maddeningly intoxicating. My head fills with thoughts of his mouth all over me. Every inch of my skin tingles and tightens, begging for his attention. One thought slips through the haze, crystalizing until it’s as solid as a diamond in my mind.
I need Ben.
Not just right now. But always. Whatever happens today, whatever pain I might experience, it will be nothing compared to the agony of not having this man in my life.
A car honking the level below us ends our frantic mauling of each other. At some point, Ben backed me up against one of the support columns. The cement’s chill begins to work its way through my coat.
He rests his forehead on mine while working to calm his labored breathing.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, tracing my fingertips over his cheekbones and down his chin.
“Me, too.” Ben leans in for another swift kiss before backing away. He grabs my hand again, but this time, he’s careful not to crush anything.
There’s still a strained element to his smile, but with what we’re walking into, it’s the best I can hope for.
I take the lead, tugging Ben along after me. It’s not long before we’re walking through the sliding glass doors into the hospital, and some helpful nurses direct us to the proper waiting area.
Mr. and Mrs. Gerhard are already seated. His mom jumps out of her chair when she sees us, and the older Benjamin follows close behind. My family, on the other hand, takes a more relaxed approach. Pops and Marcus stay sitting and simply wave at me, knowing I’ll make it over to them in a moment.
“Holly! How are you? Thank you so much for the flowers, but you didn’t have to do that. I’m the one who needs to apologize.” Mrs. Gerhard wrings her hands as she stands in front of me.
