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"It's my way of trying to tell you that you need to get your rest because you have too much on your plate to allow yourself to get run down." I'm certainly not narrowing my threat down with a timeline. Not without discussing that timeline with my wife first.
Over the few weeks she’s been my wife, I've become rather fond of getting Valerie’s opinions and thoughts on things. And considering she would be the one doing the bulk of the work in that situation, her thoughts and feelings carry a significant amount more weight than my own.
"But you and Valerie have discussed children?" I don't miss the hope edging my mother's voice. I know she's longed to be a grandmother as much as she longed to have more children of her own.
"We plan to do everything within our power to one day give you a pack of screaming monsters to ruin all your things.” I make no promises, because they are impossible to make in this situation. I was old enough to remember my parents’ struggle and sadness when they were unable to conceive a sibling for me, so I have witnessed firsthand how difficult conceiving can be. Medicine has come a long way since then, but there are still limits.
"That's all you can do. Sometimes it's meant to be and sometimes it's simply not." Her voice wavers and she pauses to clear her throat before continuing. "What's meant to be, will be."
My eyes roam around my apartment, skimming over the handbag on the counter and set of pumps discarded just inside the door. "Very true."
When all of this madness began, I never would have expected where it would lead. That the slandering of my reputation, the loss of money and connections, the social ostracization would lead me to my match.
And Valerie is my match. She doesn't quite believe it yet, and I understand why. She spent a lifetime with people who never saw any of the goodness she brings and it left her focusing only on her own mistakes and shortcomings.
But those same mistakes are what brought her to my doorstep, so I would argue they might not qualify as mistakes at all.
After saying goodbye to my mother and once again reminding her to rest, I slide my phone onto the counter, leaning to take one more look at the dinner I've put together while my wife works in the home office we now share. Like me, she’s seen that my mother is trying to do too much, but instead of chastising her and luring her into better behavior with promises of grandchildren, Val simply takes the burden away, and shoulders it herself. I know she does it not only for my mother, but for me. And it’s one of so many reasons why I will never be mad that she may have omitted a few bits of information at the beginning of our relationship.
I'm wiping off my hands, intending to go collect Valerie so I can force her to take a break of her own, when there's a knock at my door. I sling the towel over one shoulder and move to the entryway. I peek through the hole to find my neighbor on my doorstep. After opening the door I lift a brow. "Did you just knock on my door?"
Gavin shrugs his huge shoulders. "Not a bachelor pad here anymore. Last thing I want to do is walk in on you and your wife engaging in a marital pastime in the middle of the living room floor."
I step back, motioning for him to come inside. "For the record, I would never participate in marital activities with my wife on the floor." I shut the door and follow behind him. "At the very least I prop her up on the counter."
Gavin pauses beside the kitchen island, looking at it before looking at me. "Is that your way of telling me I shouldn’t touch the counters?"
I round the island, going to the fridge to pull a couple bottles of beer free, passing one off to my friend. "I've seen the revolving door you installed on your apartment and I still sit on your sofa, so I don't think you have any room to judge."
Gavin takes the beer but doesn't drink. He drops onto one of the stools, dwarfing the seat as he leans both elbows onto the counter. "I think I somehow accidentally uninstalled that door a few months ago."
He sounds oddly melancholy. As long as I've known him Gavin has been upbeat and easy-going. Laid-back and unbothered by just about everything. The man in front of me now looks... Fucking forlorn.
"What made you do something like that?" I never anticipated Gavin to be the kind to want to settle down. I'm sure it stems back to attachment issues founded in his childhood, but that's not my business. However, since he's parked his mournful self in my kitchen, the lack of extracurricular activity his dick has been participating in would appear to be my business.
He rakes one huge hand through his long, dark hair before scratching at the beard on his face. “I don't know what happened. It just came out of nowhere." He finally takes a sip of his beer before beginning to pick at the label. “Last night I was talking to this woman at a bar. She was beautiful and funny and ready to come home with me." He shakes his head, attention on the bottle in front of him. "But I couldn't do it."
I feel bad for him, genuinely I do. Especially since what I'm about to say next is likely going to cause him to have a full-on meltdown. "It sounds to me like you've grown tired of superficial connections and have reached a point in your life where you crave more."
Gavin's shaking his head before I’ve even finished. "That's not it." He finally looks up at me, as if pleading his case. "I'm not interested in anything permanent. I'm not the relationship type."
It's not easy for me to understand because I am—and have always been—the relationship type. But that's because I grew up wanting the kind of love my parents had. Chasing it. Trying to force every round peg of a relationship into a square hole, just like I did with Jessica. Luckily, I’d always known deep down things weren’t right, and saved myself from turning something wrong into something permanent. That's also why, when I did find something right, I didn't balk at making it permanent right out of the gate.
Were there things that happened with Val that some people would've seen as red flags? Yes.
Not me. I looked through Valerie's problematic shell the same way she looked through mine. I was able to see what was underneath all the bits that were forced upon her. I could see that she was the sort of woman who would enjoy my mother’s influence and involvement in my life instead of resenting it. That she was the type of woman who would find my work exciting and challenging instead of complaining over how much time it requires of me.
I also saw that, in spite of her sweet softness, Valerie possesses a backbone of steel and is fiercely defensive of the people she cares about. Which means I'll have to keep an eye on her if and when we have children. Make sure she doesn't try to assault anyone who attempts to bully our child.
Turning back to my neighbor, I sigh, feeling bad over the truth I have to offer. "Then I suppose you are on your way to a lifetime of celibacy. If you are no longer interested in meaningless hookups, and establishing a true connection with someone isn't any more appealing, you should probably get pretty comfortable taking matters into your own hands."
Gavin shoots me a scowl. “Real fucking funny.” He downs another few swallows of his beer. “You were supposed to tell me how to fix this shit.”
“I am, you just don’t want to listen.” I lean against the counter, giving him my most serious look, hoping he might actually listen. “You want something real, mate. Something more than just a warm and willing body.” I shrug. “Take it or leave it, but I can tell you it’s worth whatever it takes to get it.”
His brows lift. “Are you going to try to tell me what you and Val have is real?” He leans back in the seat, the chair creaking under his substantial weight. “Because I remember you telling me that whole thing was more of a business deal.”
I know he’s trying to bait me, but it won’t work. I know what Val and I have and he won’t make me question it. So instead of getting pissed like he wants, I shoot him a smile. “What can I say? I’m a hell of a businessman.”
