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I'm still grinning like the lovesick fool I am when Valerie comes out of the office. I turn to her, ready to show off my culinary handiwork, but stop short at the expression on her face. It's one I don't see often, and I've never had directed at me. "What's wrong, Darling?"
Her hands clench into fists at her sides as she glares my way, chin lifted high. "Why did you take a million dollars out of the bank the day after my father called me?"
All my smugness over the business prowess I claimed to have is gone in a flash, replaced by something akin to panic. "I take money out of the bank all the time." It’s a lie, but I need to buy myself some time. An opportunity to come up with an explanation for why I didn’t share the truth of what happened.
I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I didn’t want to keep the deal I made from Valerie, but I also didn't want my wife to feel as if I bought her. Or even worse, I didn’t want her to once again know she’d been used as a bargaining chip. And I certainly didn't want her to come anywhere near putting me in the same category as her father and ex-fiancé.
She shakes her head at me, chin quivering the tiniest bit as she calls out my lie. "No, you don't." She stands a little taller, and I'm so proud of her for facing me down like this. For calling me on my bullshit. "I looked."
"Welp. I'm going to head out." Gavin stands, looking less morose than he did when he first came in. He shoots me a wink as he moves to the door. "I'll leave you to handle your business, since you're so skilled at it."
It's a dig, and I’ll give him hell for later, but there's only one thing that matters. Only one thing I care about.
And right now she’s looking at me like I broke her bloody heart.
I hold Val’s glare as Gavin leaves, waiting until the door’s closed behind him before I lay out the truth of the matter. "I paid your father to go away, Val." I step toward her, hoping she won't back away, letting out a little of the air burning my chest when she doesn’t. "And I would do it a million times over to keep you safe. You are worth every penny."
Valerie's chin wobbles and her confidence waivers, sending her shoulders slumping. "I can't believe you did that." The words are soft, but the punch they carry hits me almost as hard as the look of defeat on her face.
I know she's held plenty of information back from me, but I also recognize this is different. That's why I held it back in the first place.
But I won’t take what I did back and I would do it a million times over. I will suffer her wrath, whatever it may be. As long as she's safe.
"You are my wife, Val." I say the words carefully, because I need her to remember them. "I will always do whatever it takes to protect you. Always." That is what makes me different from them.
Did I allow her to be used as a pawn? Yes.
Did I indulge in the greed of an awful man? Yes.
Did I put a price on her head? Again, yes.
But my motives weren't self-serving.
Weren’t only self-serving.
Valerie blinks hard a few times, eyes shimmering as she shakes her head. "I—" She sniffs. She's a heartbeat away from crying, and I'm not sure how either of us will handle that. She pulls in a deep, loud breath, lifting her face to the ceiling before squaring her shoulders. When her eyes come back to mine, the anger from earlier is back. And I let out a sigh of relief.
Anger, I can deal with.
"I need to go." She strides past me, grabbing her handbag from the counter and her shoes from the entry. She doesn't even take the time to put them on, just hooks them over her fingers before hurrying out into the hall, leaving me alone in my apartment.
I’d gotten used to it at some point, but the silence is more deafening than I remember. Probably because for weeks now it's been filled with the sweet sounds of my wife's voice and laughter. Now that it's gone, it's easy to see I wasn't nearly as lonely as I thought I was before.
Because this is real loneliness. Knowing the woman I love is choosing not to be at my side. All I can hope is that this round of loneliness won't be nearly as long as the one that came before. I don’t think I’ll survive it.
Raking one hand through my hair, I go to the island. I pick my mobile up and redial the last call I made, waiting for it to be answered before blurting out a guilty admission. "I believe you'll be seeing my wife shortly." I hang up before any questions can be asked. I've already faced my wife's wrath, I don't necessarily want to receive my mother's at the moment.
After sliding my phone back to the marble, I dig a fork from the drawer. Standing at the counter, I dig into the Lancashire hot pot I so painstakingly made, hoping to share one of my most beloved comfort foods with my wife. She may not be here, but I’m still glad I made it.
I have a feeling I'm going to be needing all the comfort I can get.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
VALERIE
"I don’t get what you're so upset about." Crystal is stretched out on her sofa, bare feet kicked up onto the coffee table, eating cottage cheese straight from the container. "I have a hard time getting a guy to pay for dinner when we go on a date, let alone drop a million bucks on me."
I slump down in my seat because she's obviously not understanding where I'm coming from on this. "It's not really about the money." I sigh, trying one more time to explain myself and the conflicting emotions I’m struggling to untangle. "It's about what the money represents."
