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The idea is almost too much to bear. I want to just give up on life, right here and right now. Because how the hell am I supposed to keep living like this?
I miss her so much. I’m reminded of her every single moment of the day. And it’s the little things that are driving me crazy. It’s waking up in the morning and not seeing her shampoo in my shower and her toothbrush on my bathroom sink and her lotion on my bedside table. It’s knowing that she belongs with me…but that she’s never coming back.
Out of nowhere, Rainbow chuckles. “Speaking of Lilian, did you happen to hear about Inez putting your ex-wife in her rightful place before she left for her big audition?”
Uh, what? That gets my attention, as a frown slashes over my face.“What do you mean? What did Inez say?”
“Just what everyone around here is already thinking, but is too scared to say,” Rainbow replies casually. “That you're a great father. That Stella is growing up beautifully. And that Lilian's a dead-beat mom that doesn't even know her own child's age."
“Oh.” I blink and stare at the bunches of green grapes on the table in front of me.
Inez said all that? Straight to Lilian’s face? Shit, I would have loved to witness that.
“You didn’t hear it from me, but your Inez is just as lovesick as you are.”
“Oh, I don’t think—”
Rainbow brutally cuts me off. “She is, and she’s hurting without you, Nolan.”
Dammit. I’m hurting, too.
“Well, there’s nothing I can do. She’s moved away to film her TV show and now it’s too late to—”
“False!” Karli is suddenly right in my face, like she’s trying to give me a heart attack. “The two of you can totally make it work with a little effort. You can figure it out, Nolan. People do that all the time. Stop lying to yourself. Just admit that you’re scared to get your heart broken.”
Her words bounce around inside my head.
I’m pretty certain that Karli, Layla, and Rainbow keep talking—about me, I’m sure—but I don’t hear any of it.
At this point, I’m so distraught from my pain. Getting my girl back is the only way to fix this. I do want to put in the effort to make things work. Inez is worth it. She’s totally fucking worth it.
Shit. My sister is right. And boy, do I hate when she’s right. She knows exactly what she’s talking about, rattling on about me being scared to get too close to Inez. About me being too afraid that I’d get my heart broken.
The little jerk is right.
No matter how good things were getting, I kept holding Inez at arm’s length.I was scared.
But the pain of being without her is overwhelming. It’s killing me.
I’m not scared anymore.
53
INEZ
Another night. The same song and dance.
Almost literally.
Today was another long day of rehearsing. But we’re getting past all the less exciting stuff and actually starting to work on blocking rehearsals. That’s when we do run-throughs of lines with actual movements. We’re not wearing costumes yet, nor are we actually on set. But we get to follow through the physicality of our scenes. We’re standing. Sitting. Gesturing. Walking.
Gosh—everyday, I learn new things about this acting world.
It may not sound like it, but it’s really exciting stuff…Or maybe that’s what I have to keep telling myself so I don’t just jump on a train and head back into Nolan’s arms. At this point, I don’t even know.
I’m back in my hotel room and it’s late now. Way too late for someone to be knocking at my door.
I almost ignore it, thinking that my ears are playing tricks on me. Whoever it is, they’re probably looking for the talkative guy who’s two doors down. He’s been having a whole hoard of visitors coming and going at all hours.
