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But then the knocking sounds again. Louder this time. It’s definitely my door that’s rattling.
With a frown, I set aside the notebook where I’ve been scribbling out my feelings and my half-empty bag of cheese puffs. These late nights have me feeling too tired to go out for real food or to even arrange for a healthy take out order.
Sucking the crumbs off my orange-stained fingertips and pulling down the hem of Nolan’s old T-shirt that I’m wearing, I move to open the door and let these lost visitors know that they've got the wrong room.
I fling it open. “Sorry, Harold’s two doors dow…” My words trail off, and my jaw hits the musty carpet as I stare at the man who’s been trying to knock down my door.
“Who’s Harold?!” Nolan barks, a mighty frown on his handsome forehead.
I don’t answer. I’m still staring at his face, trying to figure out if he’s real.
Because there’s no way.
There’s no way this is really Nolan Theodore Brighton, standing outside my hotel room door. In New York. In the middle of the night. Looking like he just burst off the cover of a lumberjack-bartender-small-town-heartthrob magazine.
“Never mind. Doesn’t matter,” he continues, when he gets impatient from waiting for me to answer.
Instead, he digs an arm into the duffel bag he’s carrying on his shoulder. When his hand shoots out to me, I glance down at it, blinking in confusion. He’s handing me a little pink princess toothbrush.
A toothbrush?
Not knowing what else to do, I slowly reach out and accept the toothbrush from him. I don’t know whether to thank him or be offended. Seriously, do I have bad breath or something?
I try to discreetly cup my free hand over my mouth and smell my breath. Okay, a little cheese-puffy, but not horrible. Certainly not bad enough for him to send me straight to the bathroom after all this time apart.
Nolan shakes his head. “That’s Stella's toothbrush. I want you to put it on your bathroom sink. In that little cup, right next to yours.”
I don’t get a chance to respond, before he’s pushing inside my hotel room and shoving the door shut behind him. He digs into his duffel bag, before pulling out his arm, and handing me a pair of socks. Clean ones, luckily.
I stand there, eyeballing his outstretched hand.
“These are my lucky socks,” he explains slowly, as though he’s afraid I won’t understand his words. “I need you to put them in your sock drawer.”
Then he’s bending down, digging in his bag again. He hands me his favorite hair brush.Then, his woodland deodorant.And he just keeps piling more stuff into my arms.All the while, I’m still staring at him. Speechless.
His favorite Beatles t-shirt.The one that he’s had since he was in high school.
A small collection of Stella’s bedtime books.
Then, his old pillow. I can hardly call it a pillow. It’s completely flat, but I find it cute that he has to sleep with it every night. I just don’t understand why he’s giving it to me right now.
I have so many questions.
We stand there just inside my hotel room, while he hands me various items that belong to either him or Stella. He doesn’t quit until my arms are absolutely overflowing.
I’m slowly beginning to understand what’s happening and the emotions start bubbling up inside my chest.
Heck, he hasn’t said all that much since he walked in here, but I’m good at picking up on contextual clues. And that means my eyes are now overflowing, too.
When he appears to be done with pulling things out of his bag, he steps closer, his eyes peering into my soul. “I’m probably asking you too much. I’m terrified that I’m asking you to sacrifice too much. But I want to make this work, Inez. I want you to make space for Stella and me in your life. I don’t care what I have to do. I don’t care where I have to fly to.”
“Oh my god, Nolan,” I whisper.
“I don’t care how we’ll have to jigsaw-puzzle our lives together.” He wraps a strong arm around my waist. “I don’t care what sacrifice I have to make so that you and Stella can be happy. Because I’m broken without you, and Stella is broken without you, and I can’t let geography be the reason we can’t be together. Do you want me? Do you want me like I want you, Stargirl?”
“I feel so confu–” I start, but he holds up a single finger to my lips.
“I’m willing to do whatever is necessary for the three of us to be a family. What I can’t do is live with this ache inside my chest anymore. I’m in love with you, Inez. I’ve been in love with you for so damn long. I’m going to be in love with you for the rest of my life.”
