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Sure. Everything okay?
I don’t tell her about Jeremy.
Anna
Just not in the mood to go out. Plus, I can fill you in on the Reece situation.
Sammy
Oh, no? Really?
Anna
I’ll explain when you’re here.
There were times I thought that Sammy and I wouldn’t make it. I allowed my relationship with Jeremy to skew so much of my life, and I’m thankful I’ve had another chance with her because, looking back, there’s a huge question of whether I deserve it.
She went off and did everything we said we’d do together, and there are days when that pains me. It’s still raw, seeing her live the life we thought we’d have together. But it’s all my own fault — mine and Jeremy’s.
Most of the time, I’m only thankful and happy for Sammy.
And now is one of them.
I open the door, and she holds out two tubs of chocolate fudge ice cream. “What did he do?” she jumps right in.
“Come in. And thank you for this.”
“Is it bad? You seem down. Do you need to talk? A meeting?”
She is as dedicated to keeping me on the straight path as much as my mother — another reason to love her.
“Yes, maybe a little. That’s why you’re here,” I give her a pointed look. “And probably not today. My regular is fine.”
The film is forgotten, but we both munch our way through far more of the gooey chocolate-ness than we should as we catch up.
And arrive at the same conclusion.
Either commit to Reece or cut him loose.
Unfortunately, both things sound terrifying, but for very different reasons.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sammy’s words about Reece should be the ones that hold my attention. What to do about my current relationship is what should be concerning me.
But it’s not Reece who’s occupying my mind.
“Anna, would you like to share?” I tune back in at the sound of my name and realise everyone’s eyes are on me. Most of the people looking at me in this meeting are familiar. They’ve heard parts of my story, heard about the constant struggle on the bad days and even on the good. Their empathy is deeper than most because we shared a lived experience.
“Um, sure.” My hands clench in front of me, and I try to organise the words in my head. “My name is Anna. I’ve been sober for three years now. The start of summer is always a hard time for me, but I recognise that, and make sure I have support around me. I’ve felt distracted this year, but I want to keep what I’ve worked for more than reaching for my next drink.”
There’s a general hubbub of support, but I’m already off in my mind.
The meetings usually help ground me and set things in focus, but the pull towards Jeremy is undeniable, even now. And I almost welcome it, like I want to test something, challenge him and how far I’ve come.
I pay attention for the rest of the night, listening and nodding along, but as soon as it’s over, I’m out the door and race to get home.
Even though I’m distracted, I don’t feel the same level of need to get wasted as I used to and always feared. I cling to that victory as I try to settle and find sleep without dreaming of the good times.
