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My feet amble me along the path from the big houses that surround Jeremy’s, back towards mine. I don’t know why, but I walk along Mum’s road, slowing up as I pass the house.
As if my presence summons her, she opens the front door as I pause. She stops short when she looks up to see me. But she doesn’t smile. Her hands cover her mouth, and she starts to cry, clear even from here. She slowly approaches as if testing the water. Part of me wants to bolt, but my feet feel welded to the spot.
“Oh, baby. What have you done to yourself?” She reaches a hand out to touch my face, but I pull away, not wanting her pity.
I know I’m not the same girl she saw only a few weeks ago.
She doesn’t say a word to me. But there’s a part of me that wants her to — a part that wants to run back into her arms, but I can’t get over the hurdle that will allow me to do that — it’s like a physical block. One that’s huge and ugly, yet so insignificant.
I turn away and go back, suddenly terrified and feeling more out of control than ever.
I didn’t tell Jeremy where I went or how seeing Mum seemed to shake a part of me. Suddenly, everything tasted bitter, everything looked tarnished, and I started questioning things.
We get ready for wherever he is taking us and leave, but not until after taking a cocktail of pills and powder.
The house is small and crammed with people that we don’t recognise — at least I don’t. None of our friends are here.
“Hey, Tony!” Jeremy calls to a guy in the kitchen smoking a joint and cradling a bottle of vodka.
“My man. You came. We’ll get you hooked up.”
I tug at Jeremy’s arm as I grow more sceptical. I’m watching all the eyes on us and have a sinking feeling in my stomach, like a gnarly knot that just keeps twisting.
We grab a drink, and I stay quiet while I watch a girl grab a small bag and unroll it on the side of the kitchen counter. She pulls out needles and some rubber tube thing.
“Want some?” the girl with Tony asks.
“Sure. Hit me.” Jeremy jumps in.
“Jere. I don’t know. Come on.” I try to steer him away.
“When did you start choosing for me? Come on, Anna. Have some fun. You’ve been in a mood all afternoon.”
The knot in my gut only grows. This was beyond anything we’d done before. Sure, we tried our fair share of poison, but we’d never injected anything.
I watch as the kit is passed around, a clean needle used each time, thankfully. Jeremy ties off his arm, pulling it tight with his teeth as he taps his arm for a vein. Then he looks up at me. “Come on, Anna. Together.”
I shake my head, not wanting to go down that path. I wasn’t high enough to be convinced otherwise.
“I have something else, more your style, perhaps?” Tony nudges my shoulder. He holds out a little bag of white-ish powder.
I snatch it from his hand, thirsty for the high as soon as it’s offered, and take out my phone, pouring the powder onto the screen before cutting it with my debit card. I put my nose to the drug and sniff quickly and fast.
“That’s my girl,” I hear Jeremy as I take the second line.
As soon as it hits, I know it’s not what I thought it was. It’s not the usual buzz, but I brush it off.
We stay in the kitchen, and I watch as something gets heated up, and the little needle sucks up the bad stuff, ready to be put into Jere. It makes me feel sick, and I have to take some deep breaths. As my head swims, my heart begins to race, and my body grows heavy.
It doesn’t feel right.
I try to walk away but stumble, falling one way and the other. Everything falls out of focus, and I can’t control my body.
This isn’t right.
Panic sets in, and I fall against a door and then land hard on the floor.
Jeremy? Where’s Jeremy?
