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I wasn’t a friend. I was their rich friend. Which meant I got the shit end of the deal on both fronts. And maybe, as I got older, there could’ve been genuine friends, but I didn’t trust that. I never felt like they were there for me. So, I leaned into it. I became the pissed-off kid because I was. Although sad was probably closer to the truth.
Mum constantly asked why I didn’t bring a girl home. Bring her to this or that party, she’d offer. Wouldn’t the Emersons enjoy meeting your girl, Arch? That’s all I heard.
And it made me hate the idea of having someone special. Because she wouldn’t just be for me. She’d be a showpiece for my fucking mum. And my dad? Well, his affairs weren’t a secret. I hated the idea that he’d look at a girl my age, but he’s that much of an arsehole, he would.
And Anna didn’t deserve any of that.
She was sweet and kind but never seemed to be interested in me — not enough to do anything about her feelings, anyway. Not like half the girls at school who thought I’d like them shoving themselves in my face.
Anna was beautiful. My chest raced when I caught her looking. And I wanted to smile for her. The only girl in the fucking world who made me want to do that.
And I fucking hated every minute of being apart from her.
It was like she’d infected me with everything good about her. And worse, I hated myself for treating her like I did and being an utter wanker for trying to have her to myself when it suited me.
She should have tossed me aside and found someone else. Someone who’d treat her well from the start, but as I stood and held her neck, felt her racing pulse as I kissed her harder, I knew she wouldn’t.
And I know I’m utterly done for.
It killed me to pretend after our first kiss.
I won’t survive trying to forget our second, and I don’t fucking want to.
She’s mine now.
The only girl I’ve ever cared enough for.
No more messing around.
And I really fucking hope she’ll forgive me for everything that comes with having me as her boyfriend.
Chapter Eight
Jeremy’s kisses make me feel like I’m the only person on the planet. I get lost in them — taken away to a place where we’re the only ones in the world. They are all-consuming, infecting every part of my mind and turning my limbs soft like marshmallows. It’s the kind of feeling I thought was only true in movies, but now I have it for myself.
He picked me.
I still have to pinch myself when I wake up in the morning and remember.
We’ve been inseparable through our mock exams. It’s still new, and I’m enjoying the attention. He holds my hand as he walks me home. He comes over for films, but we still study — quizzing me on science topics like the first time he came over.
We eat pizza like it’s the only food choice on earth, and he shares the ice cream out of the tub now.
I’m careful not to forget to make time for Sammy. She’s my best friend, and I don’t want to be that girl who ditches her mates because a guy comes on the scene.
Jeremy
Am I coming over later?
Anna
Sure. Although I’m going out for a meal with my mum later. End of exams and all that.
She’s excited to celebrate with me, even though we finished a few days ago. I thought Jeremy might throw a party. All his mates seemed to want him to, but he didn’t, so we all went to Stuart’s house — he has a big garden — and played music and hung out. There was beer, but I didn’t enjoy it.
Mum has been working hard, and with Jeremy coming over so often, we didn’t have as much time together as we usually did. It was an adjustment. But we’d have our time in Cornwall in a few weeks.
Jeremy
