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Thirty-Five
Evie
What a mess my life has become. I knew what he was deep down. But he lulled me into a false sense of security. I didn’t trust him, not completely. I’m so frustrated with myself. He believes his own bullshit, always did. I should have known better, looked beyond the enchantment he wove so well. I make it my mission to never regret any decision I make, and I’m testing that one to the limit at the minute. I decided to say yes to him. I know he has no boundaries, and I abandoned mine for the night. But they are back in full force, and I’ve electrified them.
I run into my brothers before I leave, and both Jonno and Jackson decide to come home with me and Grace. Jude opts to remain to support James. No one asks me why, none of them ask me anything. Either they know, or perhaps they saw Kellen in the outer tents. What an eye opener that would have been had I lost myself so much that I ‘joined in’.
From the looks being passed between them in the car, I know they saw Kellen and his lifestyle entourage. I look from Jonno to Jackson and wonder whom he’d gotten involved with as Amelie hadn’t come on the trip. I didn’t see any of my brothers outside in the courtyards or outside bars on my way back to my room, but to be fair I hadn’t really been in any fit state to notice anyone. I suppose—if I am being generous—they could have gone to bed alone. But, looking at the state of them both, I doubt it. And again the silence speaks volumes.
I focus on the familiar scenery passing by outside the car window on the way home from London Airport. When we drop Grace off, I promise to call her the next day to go for lunch. But as soon as she’s out of the car, my mind starts to reassess a lot of things.
I need to formulate a strategy to deal with Kellen. I need to see where my brothers are at in terms of Kellen and his wider circle—Xander, for example.
I’m also pretty certain I saw Jude standing near Isobel, talking to her at points. Did he take it further?
What I thought of as solid ground under my feet, terra firma, is now treacherous quicksand. The landscape certainly has shifted. It’s full of sinkholes just waiting to open up beneath me at any unexpected moment and drop me from my cosy existence into the chaos below.
I definitely need a solid plan to move forward. Because I definitely cannot remain in the cycle I’ve been falling into since Kellen’s return. Or allow him to dictate my actions or reactions.
I’ve been dealing with master tacticians —my brothers do this for a living and are damn good at it—and it’s essential I appear as normal as possible whilst I shift through my mind and sort it all out. I can’t afford to set any hares running too early.
“Do you think James will be okay with just Jude there?” I look at them both, finally acknowledging the looks and stares they’ve been sending my way since we left the chateau, constantly monitoring my facial expressions. I’ve observed them doing this so many times to other people. They’re attempting to gauge my reactions, waiting me out to see what I’ll say, what I’m thinking, when the silence becomes too much. But they’re going to get nothing from me. I’m determined.
“He’ll be fine. Kellen wants to show him off,” Jackson mutters, throwing a reassuring smile my way.
Of course he does, my mind sneers. But I keep my voice moderate and smile when I add, “Yes, but if Jude or Kell are not with him, someone might say something about me, and you know James is a hot head at times. I’ll text James and tell him to just ignore any comments. Or maybe not? What do you think?” I push fake consternation into my voice. I won’t let them know I‘m remotely bothered about what went on at that chateau.
“I wouldn’t bother. James will be able to manage. Think he’ll be disappointed you decided not to stay?” Jonno asks innocently. Ah, the start of the fishing questions.
“Do you think so? He’s got his cousins and lots of people to meet. I don’t think he would have seen a lot of us, anyway. And isn’t he performing with Kellen?” Well done Evie, I congratulate myself. Call the tosser Kellen. That gets a look from them. I'm sure they were expecting a Marcus or two.
“Yes, I think Xander said they are,” Jonno responds, his voice placating and soft but his eyes locked intently on my face.
I smile at them both, the picture of happiness. “Maybe I should have stayed.” I grin, as if nothing’s wrong. Just innocent second thoughts.
God, this is going to be hard work, keeping up this façade. They pass each other a guarded look, again, as I lapse into silence for the rest of the journey.
When Tommy greets me at home and takes all my bags, I tell them all I’m off to bed for a few hours and plan to go into work once I wake. I paste a grin on my face, saying my factory building has missed me and I need to see it. They all smile confidently at that and we part company. Just a happy little family, doing little happy family things. Perfectly normal. Nothing to see here, boys.
After a few hours’ restful sleep, I head out to work. The calls start around 3 p.m. Xander, Gabe, Kellen, Xander again, Jude. One after the other.
I only answer Kellen, forcing a cheery, “Hey Kellen, all ok with James?”
I think he’s a bit taken aback by my cheerfulness, and possibly the fact I answered. “Yes, Kitten.” Fucking Kitten! “He’s good. He’s met the family and he’s with Jude, Bug, Orla, and Isobel.”
Isobel, interesting.
“Oh, great. What’s up then?”
“I just want to check you got back ok, and we’re all good?”
Selfish fucker.
“Yes, got back just fine.” I smile fakely into the phone as I’m speaking so my voice sounds believable.
“Are we okay, Kitten?”
He’s pushing it now and he knows it. But I can’t afford to fall at the first hurdle. Straightening my shoulders to brace myself for the bullshit I’m about to hand him, I say, “Kellen, we are. You told me before that you wanted to be a part of the family and we should be on the same page. Well, we definitely are. And you don’t need to worry.”
