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A million thoughts raced through my brain, each one trying to be dominant, but they blurred together, and the only thing that came out was, “But we hate each other.”
Theo’s eyes flew open, and his gaze moved from my eyes to my mouth, then back up. He pressed his lips together before sighing. “No. You hate me. Don’t put your negativity energy on me. I can’t afford that.”
Then, Theo Sanders walked away.
This was the second time guilt stabbed at my chest. Why was I the bad guy here when he was the one who’d hurt Quentin? Why did I keep upsetting him?
I just needed my feet to move to talk to him, to explain this wasn’t me. I didn’t hurt people intentionally, yet I had with him twice now. I just…ugh. Confrontation was my biggest fear. It paralyzed me, made me want to vomit. My stomach twisted and knotted as I lost sight of Theo. He wasn’t hard to miss with his hair and size, but he blended in with the rest of the students. This lecture hall was large for just a hundred or so students, but there were so many people in here today.
Why?
“He is so hot, and he’s in nursing? My god. A smart jock. I’m in love.”
“Who got paired with him? Can we shank her?” Giggles followed that comment. My stomach bottomed out. I wasn’t used to hearing anyone say something like that about me. I liked being invisible.
“Sanders as a nurse. I think I’m feeling faint… what if I fell?”
I shoved the voices out of my head and made my way down the aisle. This was no different than with Quentin. People talked about him all the time. He was a starting freshman and had great stats. People never put us together as siblings, which was fine with me. I hated being used for clout for him. Using me to get to him never worked.
At no point in my life would I ever go to my baby brother with a girl interested in him.
My heart raced at the potential confrontation with Theo. My palms sweated, and every part of my body fought the urge to talk to him, to apologize. My comfort zone was calming others down, like patients, while remaining strong and consistent. I didn’t say sorry. That meant having relationships with people, and I just didn’t have those.
But my gut told me saying sorry to him was the right move. I’d still talk to Professor Aldridge to see if we could switch partners or if I could go solo, but I could rectify my wrongs to Theo.
It took a minute, but I found him sitting in the front row, smiling at his phone.
People stared at him from every direction, but he didn’t care or notice.
“You,” I said, gripping my bag tighter to channel some of his positive energy.
“What an opening, Hawthorne. I can already tell we’re gonna fall madly in love.” He smirked and put his phone in his pocket. “Here to declare your feelings?”
“Why are you so…” I waved my hand over him, not able to find the correct word. His carefree attitude was contagious and made me hate him less. It was distracting and captivating.
“You’re ridiculous,” I sputtered.
“Thank you.” He grinned, that dang dimple popping out again. “Now, are you gonna sit by me, or are you afraid I’ll bite you?”
I couldn’t back down from his dare. It was juvenile, but the guy was so extra. The knowing smirk all the time, like he was one second away from cracking a joke. He was too smug. Huffing, I sat in the chair next to him, which caused our legs to touch. Heat spread through my thigh, and instead of moving away, he let his leg remain there.
His thigh touched mine, and my face heated.
I jerked my leg away, out of survival, but he definitely noticed.
“We’re gonna see some shit working together, Hawthorne. You’ll have to get used to me somehow.”
“I came to apologize to you,” I blurted out. When everyone else learned how to be cool and charismatic, I was either too busy taking care of my sick family or reading a book. Quentin could verbally spar with the best of them, where I turned inward and grew too awkward.
He tilted his head to the side, his soft blue eyes curious. He then spun all the way to face me, every ounce of his attention on me. “Oh, this is interesting. Let’s hear it then.”
I felt under the microscope. The way he stared was almost unnerving, like he truly listened or cared what I said. Most people saw through me or just asked what they needed before moving on. But no, not him.
“I didn’t mean to stereotype you.”
“Yeah, you did.” He shrugged yet kept his attention on me. “You definitely did. I’m a hockey jerk, right?”
Swallowing down the urge to run, I kept firm. “I’m sorry I did.”
